


Changing Skies

by Thewriterinmalfoy



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Amazingphil - Freeform, DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, DanAndPhilGAMES, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Mild Angst, My First Fanfic, Phan Fluff, Phan Smut, Phanfiction, danisnotonfire - Freeform, experimental dating
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-10
Updated: 2017-12-08
Packaged: 2018-05-24 18:01:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 22,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6161841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thewriterinmalfoy/pseuds/Thewriterinmalfoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan and Phil have NOT been dating for six years, but everyone assumes so. Neither of them have been lucky in the relationship department lately so they decide that if everyone believes they're dating then why the hell not try?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to keep their actual personalities, but i did give Dan an obsession. You'll figure it out.

It must've been 3 am and Dan was still awake, scrolling through the endless pits of Twitter. That was his usual late-night activity as of recent. He kind of felt that his wikipedia escapades had become repetitive, there hadn't been anything new or interesting in a while. That didn't mean, however, that he wasn't still up way into the night. 

Really, he should be trying to get to sleep at a regular (or as regular as it could get with Dan) time, as he did have somewhat of a date the next day. Somewhat. He was meeting up with an old acquaintance from his hometown, however, this so called acquaintance had recently shown a particular interest in Dan. Dan wasn't going to deny the opportunity to finally kick start his love life with, let alone possibly a good fuck. 

He really hadn't had much time or energy within the last few months to go out. He'd been seriously deprived, and maybe a slight bit desperate, so that when he heard there was someone who was interested in him, he nearly jumped at the opportunity. 

Joshua Gryles was known as the man who rarely said a word, and yet still made it out successful. Growing up Dan remembered Josh as one of the tennis team's star players. But, outside of tennis, he never said a word to Dan. That was until two weeks ago. 

Somehow, Dan managed to recognize the name while on one of his Twitter sprees. This led to the pleasant conversation, which then led to shameless flirting, and eventually a set date to meet and catch up. Said meeting was tomorrow at 12 o'clock and by the looks of it, if Dan fell asleep at exactly this moment, he could get seven hours of sleep. Not bad, but he'd be rushing to get to the underground on time. 

Dan set an alarm for 10:00 and flipped on his side. Staring at the blank wall and the black dresser in the night's dark, Dan eased into sleep.

 

***

 

The pounding sound of Dan's alarm going off shook him awake. He abruptly sat up, regretted his decision to wake up so late, and practically fell out of bed. His first order of business- take a shower. 

He liked the water cold. It was the easiest way to wake up in a short amount of time. It was also the better way to think. Once your body becomes accustomed to the cold temperature of the water, you can just stand there, underneath the refreshing waterfall, and let your mind wander. 

Often times Dan tried to remember what he was doing the night before, as he was what one would call a heavy sleeper. He usually woke up and had no idea what he kept himself preoccupied with. But once he had time to settle into the day and process it, he would remember. 

As, he allowed himself to be cascaded in water, he tried to construct the events of the previous night. He knew he was on his phone, which only happened when wikipedia hadn't been satisfying. That meant he was probably on Twitter again. 

It was astonishing, to Dan how entertained he could become with Twitter. All he ever did was scroll through tweets he was mentioned in. Unless it was the night a video had been posted, then he just scrolled through the hashtags. Dan enjoyed (most of) the reactions his videos and the ones for the gaming channel got. He always found it shocking at the number of people who watch his and Phil's videos who truly believed they were dating. Its not like he minded it, practically every fanbase that ever existed had people assuming there were hidden relationships. And, it allowed people to explore their own kind of creativity. 

Dan was suddenly hit with the unmistakable presence of cold air. He had apparently been mindlessly getting ready because when he snapped back into reality he had already turned off the water and was reaching for a towel. He put on some black jeans and, because this could be considered an important event, he chose a red and black plaid button up as well. 

He tousled his hair an peeked in the mirror before heading out of the room, and out of the house, directly onto the streets. 

The walk to the underground was exceptionally gorgeous. Clouds decorated the sky with the pink afterglow of the sun's rise. The final hint of orange and red lined the horizon ever so slightly. It seemed that the blueness above was just the right shade to submerge Dan in a gentle glistening. 

The sky held so many secrets and stories and Dan would love to just sit and listen to what it had to say. Not only was it aware of the world but it had a first hand look into the space beyond it. The sky was always able to see the stars and Dan was, simply put, jealous. 

Stars were the most captivating things in Dan's mind. They were little balls of light, they were magical, and sent messages from far, far away, at a speed unrealistic in the eyes of man. The various colors at which they can produce and their numerous cousins couldn't be shaken from Dan's thoughts. 

The universe, and it's galaxies, although mysterious and deadly, were enthralling and synonymous with that of pure beauty. Dan loved the color, the vibrancy it produced, even though he rarely expressed his interest in it. Phil did. 

Phil loved anything and everything color. Everything about Phil was color, he even had a few shirts with an abundance of stars sprinkled over various blobs of color. Sometimes Dan wished he could pull off so much color and visual distinctiveness. But, alas, he couldn't. It really was a shame. 

The tube ride was anything but joyful. You try standing in an enclosed space with twenty other people all within two inches of touching you. Nevermind the fact that it was completely underground- Dan wasn't given the chance to witness the rest of the sky's departing morning beauty. Dan did not, however, let that put a negative spin on his mood. 

The coffee shop at which he would be meeting Joshua was just a five minute walk once outside of the the station for the tube. It would have been a very easy walk had it not been a Friday. And, yes, it was still only 11 in the am, but they lived in a city, which attracted many young and tourists. Fridays, as most people on earth are aware of, are very popular "outside adventure" days. 

In the end Dan was fifteen minutes late and just a little frustrated. He was still optimistic however, about how nicely the date could possibly go. 

That optimism lasted about another thirty seconds before he spotted a young man waving him over. His entire appearance was a no for Dan. Joshua had on a pair of rolled up jeans, brown boots, a loose flannel and a fedora. A fedora. 

He was a carbon copy of Harry Styles. That was a hundred percent not what Dan was into. Dan was not into the hipsters, he just wasn't. This guy was definitely that kind of a person. That was the exact moment Dan decided to give up, and that this was the last date he'd ever go on. 

After he reminded himself he still owed Joshua his company for at least an hour, he continued his venture towards his very final date. Really not feeling it, Dan broke into a smile and greeted Joshua. 

Dan was walking home, very happy he had nothing other than black pants. Joshua seemed like a nice guy, Dan felt bad for the guy. He was never getting a call back, and frankly it was all his fault. Dan couldn't say it wasn't. 

Don't get Dan wrong, Joshua did nothing horrific, he just started off on the very wrong foot. He hadn't gotten a coffee yet and asked Dan what he liked. Dan asked for three sugars, nothing else. That wasn't the issue, the look Joshua gave him, the one doctor's give you when they're about to tell you you are going to kill your body because you're only consuming sugar, that was the first (I guess technically second) issue. The date proceeded to go on like a normal date, just talking comfortably about yourself- Dan could do that. 

It wasn't until the date was practically over that Dan officially lost any interest in any other future dates. Dan took his coffee, which he had barely touched- he was more of an experimenter when it came to coffee, so much so that he hated it plain- to throw away. Dan was directly in front of the trash can, conversing the normal date-ending cues when Joshua leaned in. 

Dan didn't kiss on the first date, and felt very uncomfortable kissing in public for that matter. A little freaked out, Dan just sort of froze, which was probably the worst decision he made that day. 

Joshua realized too late that Dan wasn't going in for the kiss and tried to pull him in closer, an act that resulted in the coffee cup being crushed in between them. Coffee was all over Dan's shirt and pants, and at that point just wanted to go home. So, kissless Joshua apologized and practically ran out of the shop. 

Covered in coffee and emotionally exhausted, Dan arrived back at home. It wasn't hard at all for Dan to get to sleep that night- no Twitter needed. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably really stupid and I have no idea why anyone would read this. But, if you actually enjoy this, here we go.

Phil was used to waking up hard. Phil wasn't used to waking up at 12:00 however. 

Lately, Phil was falling asleep later and later- and he didn't like it. He was more of a morning person, and enjoyed the early coffee and the post-dawn chill. But as he'd been falling asleep later, he'd been waking up later too. Still, 12:00 had been his latest so far. 

Phil tried to sigh, but bit his lip when it came out more like a moan. Another cold shower was the last thing Phil wanted. He hated cold showers, but they were the only things that distracted him from his boners. 

He took his phone and walked into the bathroom. Once the door was closed, he turned on the water, looked at his phone and decided to ask Dan to go get food. Problem was, most things delivered. Sushi didn't. 

Phil texted Dan and asked him to get sushi for lunch, and told him he'd be in the shower. He neglected to mention it would be cold and boner-ridding. 

The cold water practically burned Phil's skin. He spent fifteen minutes really focusing on washing his hair and by the time he got to washing his body, he was completely relaxed. 

Dan wasn't home with the sushi yet, so Phil decided to get his camera up and ready- it was a filming day. Phil had no idea what to film though. Maybe he'd figure it out after he ate. He was always a better thinker on a full stomach. 

He was only just starting to get worried when he heard the lock begin to turn and Dan walk into the house. The aroma of wasabi flooded every room and sent a twinge of fire through his body. Phil's stomach grumbled. 

He exited his room and met Dan in the kitchen. He took the bag and began the search for his food. 

"This smells so good. I'm so hungry." 

"Did you not eat breakfast or something?" 

Phil sort of looked at Dan wide-eyed. "I thought you knew I was asleep."

"Asleep?" 

"Yeah, I din't wake up until like twelve today." 

"Shit. Are you like, sick or something? You don't sound it." 

"Um," Phil didn't really want to tell Dan he was having trouble sleeping- it seemed childish. "Not really. No." 

Phil wasn't looking at what he was doing, and instead of pouring soy sauce into his wasabi - yes, he did that, it made the wasabi milder - he poured it all over Dan's sushi. It was Dan's laughter that made him focus on what he had just done. 

"Damnit." 

All he got as a response was laughter from Dan, who was clutching his stomach and almost doubled over. 

The rest of the meal went smoothly, but Phil still hadn't thought of any ideas for his video. He though maybe he could do something with coffee, but he didn't want to taste test everything he's already had before. I mean, he's practically tried every type of coffee they sell. He was stuck. 

It was ten minutes after Phil finished his food when he realized he could just ask Dan to help him with the video. He'd decided on a Q and A because he really couldn't come up with anything original. But he didn't know exactly how to present it. He knew he wasn't going to do anything along the lines of a Phil is Not on Fire style, but he still didn't want to make it too mainstream. 

"Hey Dan," he shouted questioningly. 

"Yeah whats up," Dan answered. He ended up in Phil's doorway. 

"I need your help with a video. I'm going to do a Q and A, and I need you to ask me questions. Is that alright?" 

"Yeah, sure. How do you want me to do this?" 

"How about you pick the first ten questions that pop up on your twitter?" 

"Hmm. This sounds like it'll be interesting. Am I asking for questions or am I just scrolling through?" 

"Just scrolling through." 

As Dan opened twitter and found the questions, Phil finished setting up. He stared at Dan through the camera lens, making sure everything would be in shot. "Okay."

"You ready?"

"Let's go."

A half an hour into filming they had barely gotten anything done, but after an hour, they were finished. It didn't take Phil long to edit his videos, he sort of prided himself in his ability to edit quickly. Not long after the video was filmed, Phil had already completed the process and had Dan view it just in case.

It was normal that both Dan and Phil watched their Twitters as a video was being uploaded. They loved getting instant feedback. It was no different today. Once the video was officially public, and the initial tweets were sent, responses flooded in. Almost every other tweet was about Phan, or how they were "such a couple". Even after countless videos with Dan, it still amazed Phil.

"Wow. They really do believe we're a couple."

"Yeah. Ironically, my love life is shit and nonexistent at the moment," Dan shakily laughed out.

"Hmmm, same." Phil wondered why everyone just assumed they were a couple. He gets the idea that they don't kow everything about them, but the camera isn't always on, so who other then them would know?

Dan's voice shook him out of his head. "Tried to go on a date yesterday, total flop. The guy was 100% man-bun material."

"Ew. I haven"t much luck in the relationship department either."

"Guess we both suck at finding people to date." 

At those words, an idea popped into Phil's head- a slightly frightening one at that. One that made his heart float to the top of his throat, and send echos to his ears.

"You know, if everyone thinks we're dating, um... Why don't we try it out?" It was stupid but he said it. He said it and he tried to focus on Dan's reaction to how stupid the idea was but all he could hear was the fasted paced drumming of his heart in his head.

The only response Phil could register was a question. "Try dating?"

Well shit, did he dig himself a big one. I guess he figured that it didn't matter now how deep the hole was, he might as well keep digging it. "Yeah, neither of us have been able to find a date lately. And it doesn't have to be, like serious or anything. Just maybe like, a couple dates do see what goes on. The dates do have to be real though."

"Umm-"

"-And it's not like it would be that hard to hide it either. Like I said, everyone already sees us as a couple. So?" 

Phil knew his idea was stupid. He knew it was crazy. But somehow, Dan understood the logic behind it. Somehow it made a little bit of sense to Dan. And somehow both of them managed to surprise themselves that night when Dan looked up at Phil and answered, "Uh, sure I guess. Why the hell not?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for not updating frequently. Life outside of the internet has been getting a little hectic, and so writing has become a little difficult. But I promise I'll try harder. Just know I'm not bailing on you guys.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter, but its going to start to get fun soon ;) Stay tuned towards the end for a cheeky spon...

Dan wondered if today would reveal some awkward tension between the two or not. How do you change over night from being bestfriends to acting like a couple? For that matter, how do you act like a couple?

And, they do have to go on a date of some sorts. Dan was definitely not going on a coffee shop date anytime soon. He didn't want to relive the nightmares. But that then presented Dan with the question of where, then? He did't think something fancy would work as a first date, but something casual would probably just seem too normal for each of them. But what was a semi-casual, semi-fancy date idea? Dan didn't want to think too much about it- especially so early in the morning. 

Early in the morning for Dan meant 9:00 am, seeming as 11 was a sufficient time to wake up. Coffee seemed like the logical answer to such an eager start to the day. 

Phil had beaten Dan to it. The pleasant aroma of coffee had already traveled its way to Dan before he even stepped near the kitchen. Surprisingly, there was already a cup waiting for him. Dan stood there for a moment, listening for Phil, but he heard nothing. He contemplated over what Phil was doing and then decided to just go to his room. He wasn't sure he was ready to see Phil just yet. He still felt a bit awkward. 

The world however, seemed to think he was ready, because just as he found the hallway, Phil stepped out with an empty mug. Dan, not really sure what he wanted to do, paid an overly excessive amount of attention to his drink, and laughed nervously when Phil brushed past him, swashing his coffee around. Sometimes, he really was a dumb git.

Dan was frustrated. He didn't know why things felt so awkward between them. Already he had managed to completely make a fool of himself by not being able to speak at all, not paying attention and running into Phil, and all-out trying to avoid Phil, whether he really wanted to or not. And it was still only 9:30. 

That was nothing like him, and it created a weird tension in the air. He didn't like it at all.

It was time to figure out dinner when Dan seemingly lost it. After an entire day in agonizing awkwardness, Dan was ready to punch himself in the face. He avoided Phil all day, barely spoke a word to him and even pretended to be asleep when Phil knocked on his door. 

But dinner, that was something entirely different. He decided he had to at least ask Phil what he wanted, but the problem was that it meant Dan had to actually talk to Phil. That was until he realized he could just text him. 

Phil ended up in Dan's room however, making it obnoxiously difficult for him to avoid Phil. It made Dan feel all blushy and bothered when he looked at Phil. It was just so awkward. 

Once they decided on pizza for dinner, Dan was ready to take one big, relaxing, deep breath, but Phil didn't leave. In fact, he sat there a little while longer and they both kind of stared at each other. It seemed as if Phil was thinking really hard about whatever he was going to say. Dan hoped to the north pole and back that it wasn't about how he'd been acting lately. 

"Dan, you've been avoiding me all day." Fuck. 

It looked like Phil had more to say, so Dan didn't bother interrupting. 

"We can't do that, Dan. I know it's awkward- I can feel the tension too. But we can't just avoid each other- we live together. Just because we've changed one little aspect of our lives, doesn't mean we can't still go on with our daily lives. It only changes the way we go on with our lives. I'm still Phil and you're still Dan. we are both YouTubers and we are extreme dorks. That won't change about us. It just make us two extreme dorks who happen to be dating. We already know so much about one another, that makes it a little easier. But we need to talk, we can't be weird around the other." 

 

Phil was right, Dan knew it. It was difficult to not act awkward around Phil. For some reason, Dan was afraid to mess up with Phil, he was excited about seeing someone. It seemed like everything was more important, more crucial with Phil. How do you fix that?

His thoughts taking him to an unexpected place, Dan blurted, "Then why don't we go on a date? How about a walk in downtown London? We can start off simple." 

Dan had no idea how he was able to think of the perfect first date in such a short amount of time, but he was too busy trying to decipher what Phil would say to worry about it. 

"How about tomorrow, Sunday?" 

"Yeah, that sounds good, yeah" Dan finished with a sheepish smile, which the appeared on Phil's face too. 

Phil had a beautiful smile, that Dan didn't think he paid enough attention to. It was so big and bright, so much like the sun, and the stars, and the moon. So much like the sky's only way of finding light. His smile was what stood in stark contrast to the pitch black around it. 

Dan could feel his eyes begin to droop and his motions begin to happen slower ans lazier, he was just sitting in his bed, but he was exhausted. Spending a whole day trying to avoid someone really took the energy right out of you. 

He rolled over, closed his eyes and nodded when Phil asked him if he just wanted to forget the pizza, not being able to smile after the door closed. Dan had a date tomorrow. 

And he was excited for it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt the need to create a twitter account for this story, as I have also been posting it on Wattpad (@thewriterinphan). I will use it to update you on whats going on with the story so you know what's going on during the writing process in between chapters. So if you'd enjoy updates and possibly 'behind the scenes info' on this story please follow @writerinmalfoy on Twitter. All the love x Mads


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have good and bad news. Good news is that I'll be able to work on this very often, starting soon. Bad news, I have been really busy lately with classes and my dad being in the hospital, so for a (hopefully) short time, my updates will be very infrequent. Please enjoy Chapter 4.

It was two hours until their date and Dan was nervously picking out what he was going to wear. The shock of apparel wasn't going to be as it normally would, because both he and Phil would be leaving together. However, that didn't mean that what he wore didn't matter. 

For some reason, all he could do was overthink his evening attire. They were going to be walking around Downtown London, so had had to dress comfortably for the water. that meant jeans and maybe even a jacket- it was a chillier summer day. He had to look nicer, if he wore just a hoodie it would seem like he didn't really care to much. If he wore a nice coat, he would seem too over the top for a trip to the city. In the back of the closet, Dan caught a glimpse of a shirt he's probably never put on before. 

He put on the looser fitting button up that was a dark shade of purple. It reminded him of twilight. As he looked in the mirror Dan was reminded of why he bought the shirt in the first place. It was different for Dan, but i looked nice. It wasn't stiff and it was looser around his sides. He still wore a dark color, but it wasn't quite black and he was comfortably classy. 

Taking pride in his outfit, Dan moved his attention to his hair. It wasn't particularly bad today, and for that Dan was grateful. After trying to style his hair like he normally does, he realized quickly that it wasn't going to work. Going out on a limb and doing something he rarely ever does, Dan moved to put his hair into a quiff. He rather liked the way it looked with his outfit, but he couldn't help feeling wary of the risk. What if Phil didn't like this? What if he stepped too far out of his comfort zone? 

When Dan realized he was very much everything everything, he moved to check the time. Ten minutes until he and Phil were leaving. Taking a deep breath, Dan once again reminded himself that it was just Phil. The same Phil he'd been best friends with and had been living with for so long. He could do this. This was someone he was familiar with. Still, he couldn't shake the underlying twinge of nervousness. 

***

Dan did something different today, and Phil really thought it worked. They were in a taxi, taking them to the inner city and Phil finally had the chance to pay attention to his surroundings. He'd been so busy getting ready that by the time he was finished they were both running out the door. Once they were in the cab however, Phil was able to take in Dan's appearance. 

Ironically, Dan was wearing color and Phil chose not to wear that much color. Phil was wearing a black and white t-shirt with grey jeans, the total opposite of color. Dan had also pushed his hair back Phil noticed, and he could see more of Dan's face. Dan didn't often show this part of him to the world, Phil admired the change. he on the other hand kept his hair like it normally was, but he did wear his glasses out. 

He wasn't planning on wearing them, he was just in such a trance while getting everything else ready, he didn't bother switching to his contacts. 

Phil laughed to himself about the irony both he and Dan presented that day. Whit both of them changing up their looks, whether intentionally or not, he had to admit it was kinda funny. He hadn't paid attention to hoe the car ride was comfortably silent, mostly because both of them had taken a minute to calm down after their rush out of the door. But after he broke the silence with his faint laughter, they started a polite conversation with the driver about the weather. 

It seemed that Dan really enjoyed talking about what the sky looked like that day. Phil didn't necessarily think there was anything special about it, but Dan mentioned something about something called an altocumulus castelanus that caught Phil's attention. 

"What's and alto-something castel-whatever?" He asked.

Dan shook his head in amusement, and Phil couldn't help but notice the excitement and passion in Dan's eyes. "They're a type of clouds," he replied.

"They're more commonly known as jellyfish clouds because of their shape and they're the result of a rush of moist air becoming trapped in between layers of dry air. Jellyfish clouds are fairly rare, and are almost never seen in London. Today however, we see them." 

Phil looked out the taxi window with that comment and then saw what Dan had been talking about. Phil had originally though they weren't at all special, but he had to admit they looked really cool in the air. Phil had no idea where Dan knew this from- actually Phil had a decent idea as to where Dan learned this now that he thought about it. Dan probably came across this one night when he stayed yup too lat. Typical. 

It wasn't much longer until they both got out of the car and both reached to pay the driver. After awkwardly deciding that Dan would pay this time, and Phil on the way back, the car left off and they stepped toward to sidewalk. 

They had no real plan for any places to go, Phil thought to himself, and turned around to examine the shops around them. He saw an antique store three shops down from where they were and grabbed Dan's wrist to pull him inside. He heard Dan's laugh as they walked in and followed Dan to the hat rack sitting next to the window. 

He watched as Dan took off the bright orange, floppy straw hat from the top hook and then laughed when he put it on Phil's head. Looking around to the mirror, Phil started laughing even harder. The hat he was wearing was truly ugly. Deciding to get revenge, Phil took off the dark green fedora and put it on Dan's head. Aside from the fact that Dan hated everything fedora-related, the color was horrendous. Phil took off the orange hat and exchanged it for a light grey beanie- it didn't work. Before he could take it off though, it was snatched from his head and carefully placed on Dan's. 

The hat was supposed to be put on as a joke, but it looked really good on Dan. He didn't think Dan even expected to like the beanie, because his eyebrows shot up in surprise when he looked at his reflection. With his hair in a quiff and the grey beanie atop his head, Phil could see how much it brought out Dan's eyes. That hat certainly served him justice. 

Dan must've witnessed Phil's reaction because he turned back around and just shrugged. "I don't know why, but I knida like this?" Dan turned his statement into a question. 

"It looks great, really great. It brings out your eyes," Phil shut his moth abruptly as he realized what he said and watched as Dan blushed. He'd practically just admitted to checking Dan out. 

"I think you should get it," Phil said sheepishly, after a long awkward pause, "It really does look nice." Dan looked like he was contemplating it for a second before he took the hat off. Phil thought he was going to put it on the rack but was pleased to see Dan move toward the counter. 

As they waled out, Dan put the beanie back on and then looked at Phil, silently asking if it was alright. Phil adjusted it a little and then nodded his approval. 

"Where to next beanie-boy?" 

Chuckling Dan answered, "Actually, I'm getting sort of thirsty. We should find coffee." 

Phil couldn't argue that. Although he wasn't particularly thirsty, it was cold for early summer. They found a small coffee shop on the street corner and ordered their drinks. Having been here with Dan quite a few times before, Phil had an idea as to where they would head next. 

The arcade in the downtown area was huge. It carried games from the classics to some of the more recent ones, and a lot of them. Phil went directly to the claw machines though, they were always his favorite. Understanding that while, he sucked at most arcade games, he knew he was better at the stuffed claw toys than the others and found a game with prizes he liked. 

Phil spotted a cactus in the back of the box and was a hundred percent aiming for it. However unless you were Phil himself, you wouldn't know that. He looked like a total amateur an dafter several disheartening tries and an almost dying Dan on the floor, he decided to give up and go find another claw machine. The only other one that was easier than the one he was playing was the one filled with candy, and a guaranteed win. He guessed it was as good a game as any and put his money in to "play." 

What he didn't see was Dan putting his ow money into the cactus claw and with supreme concentration, he picked up the cactus and dropped it into the slot. Phil also missed Dan's barely audible, "yes!" 

As Phil was deciding on the piece of candy most desirable, Dan stood behind him, holding out the cactus, blushing when Phil turned around and gaped at him. When Phil realized he still had to accept the plushie, he reached out to get it from Dan. 

"This is really cheesy," Dan said, laughing. 

"But it's cute, and sweet." 

Dan blushed more, but smiled proudly all the same. They continued their conversation as they began walking back outside. "You looked like you really wanted it." 

"How many tries did it take?" 

"Um, one." 

Phil stopped and looked at Dan. "It did not." 

"Did too." 

"Wow." 

They found a restaurant that wasn't too crowded to eat in. They talked mostly about nonsense, but they did end up discussing some important topics concerning their new situation. They talked about how the date was going well, but that they weren't entirely acting like a couple. Phil reiterated that they should be taking baby steps, but also explained that they had to take some steps. Dan agreed and that was the end of the conversation. 

It wasn't until they were walking around again that Phil really started thinking about what was happening between them. The air was still somewhat tense, but not nearly as much before. They were both having a lot of fun, but it seemed like something they would normally do anyways, not just because they were a couple. Ish. They were getting there. 

When Dan's hand accidentally brushed against Phil's the first time, he tough nothing of it. The second time he deemed it a coincidence. The third time, they were in a gaming shop and instead of just brushing their hands, Dan slid his fingers in between Phil's. 

Phil stood, his heart beating significantly faster than it had been only a few moments earlier. He looked down at their hands, up at Dan, back down at their hands and went back to what they were doing as if nothing was different. 

He wasn't expecting Dan to initiate anything intimate with Phil. Not when it was considered a big step for them. Either way the feeling of Dan's hand in his felt natural and exciting. Phil wasn't really sure what made Dan do that but he must've had a reason. 

They went home that night after a casual rest-of-the-date and in good moods. The date was successful. For the second night in a row, both adults had gone to sleep at a reasonable time, very content. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do I overuse commas? I always feel like I do. Big thanks to Madelyne for being the best beta and putting up with my constant butthurt retorts. Someone tell me if I use too many commas or not.. PS This is a longer chapter than what I think I've posted- I am proud.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should've added something about the changing point of views in the last chapter, so sorry if that confused anyone. The point of views change again in this one, so heads up! I think this chapter might be a little boring, but even I don't know yet. Enjoy.

Dan had to film soon. He needed a new video and he hadn't uploaded in a while. All he needed was an idea to film. He guessed he had to post something a little more personal considering his last video was fairly humorous. He had nothing. No ideas. 

It did come across him that Phil might have ideas, but they could be ideas that Phil had for himself. Dan didn't want to cause Phil to tick another idea off his list because he did it before him. He decided that he would only ask Phil for help if the hadn't thought of a good idea in the next hour. Simple enough. Surely he'd be able to think of something by then. 

Dan was wrong. And at lunch he concluded that he would have to ask Phil for ideas. He hated doing this, but he should've started filming by now. Who was he kidding, even if he had an idea he wouldn't have started filming yet. "Hey, Phil?" he intervened their current conversation. 

"Hmm?" 

"All morning I've been trying to think of ideas for filming and I haven't got one good one yet. I need to film a video that's on the moire personal side, and nothing's come up." 

Phil bit his lip while thinking. "Well, you could do something along the lines of change. Or trying something new. I mean, I don't think it'd be at all hard to plan for that right now," he said knowingly. "It's personal, and an idea that you could really get into. So how about it?" 

"Damnit, Phil." Why hadn't he been able to think of that? When he looked back up at Phil, he noticed the passive expression on his face and realized what he'd said. "No. no it's a great idea. I was just wondering how you came up with that." Dan was relieved when Phil's features visibly relaxed, he understood now. 

"Speaking of filming, we need to film the next gaming channel video." 

"Oh yeah, alright." So much for Dan filming today. Though he guessed he could plan it all out still. 

***

They'd already had a game in mind when they set out to film that day. Neither of them had ever played it before, but they'd seen it mentioned a few times by fans. It looked interesting enough, and they added it to the list of games they needed to play. 

What neither of them expected, was how sexual the game was. Dan thought maybe his frustration was just showing through, because the didn't at all look sexual. The main character in the game, was sex personified. After about a half an hour playing the game, Dan was starting to get a little hot and bothered. This was a fucking game, there is no reason he should be turned on. 

Technically it wasn't a problem for Dan if he got a little turned on. He was very good at hiding any evidence pointing to him being so. He'd developed this skill after living in a college dorm for a little while. He learned after a few awkward situations, that he couldn't show any visible sign of sexuality. 

As the game progressed, however Dan began to notice it took effects on Phil too. It was the little movements, like wiggling in his chair a little, or taking a deep breath every now and then, that gave it away. And fuck if that didn't make it a little worse for Dan. 

*** 

Phil was once again taking a cold shower. That game, he thought, was pure torture. He wondered if it was supposed to be like that. Maybe he was just hyper-sensitive or something. But then again, Dan could've been turned on by the game too. A damn game! How in the hell does that happen? 

He considered that Dan very well could have had been effected the same way he was, but he didn't look like it did anything to him at all. Phil needed to stop going down that path right now or he'd be taking a dreadful cold shower for no reason. He wasn't there to relieve himself, he was there to compose himself. Those were two very different things. 

Once he was out of the shower, he noticed how hungry he was getting. Remembering they ditched the pizza the other night, he decided to go ask Dan if that's what he wanted for dinner tonight.

"Dan?" Phil sort-of-shouted as he walked towards Dan's door. It's become a common part of their communications for them to shout, no one but them would hear it.

"What," Dan managed to get to the doorway to his room. 

"D'you want pizza for dinner tonight? We didn't get any a few days ago when we said we would." 

"Have you got upset because you miss your side hoe, Phil?" Dan smirked. 

"Oh, shut up," Phil audibly said as he turned back around to order their food, then under his breath, "bloody wanker." 

"Heard that!" Phil blushed and chuckled, shaking his head. 

Ordering the pizza was easy, waiting for it was the hard part. Phil was beginning to think either the pizza man died in a car accident on the way there or that Dan really was right it it was just his pizza deprivation talking. He (sadly) hoped it was the latter. However, the doorbell did ring, and sure enough there was the pizza guy. Or lady- Phil didn't really pay that much attention. His mind sort of went fuzzy with the pleasant pizza aroma. He really did have a food problem. 

"Dan, pizza-" Dan was right behind him. Phil had almost ran into him, pizza box in tow. 

"Hello," Dan whispered, then laughed as he almost lost his balance and fell backwards. 

"Opps, didn't know you were right there. You almost made me loose my pizza!" 

"Your pizza?" Dan questioned. 

"Our pizza damnit." 

They brought the pizza upstairs. They normally ate the pizza while watching some sort of show or something, because it was just them, and they could eat a whole pizza. Today, they settle on some anime, reruns for Dan because they were in different spots, Dan obviously ahead. 

Their butts were a fair distance apart but their feet? 

Phil had angled himself, so that his feet were stretched over a small gap and resting on the end of the sofa that stuck out. Dan was sitting across the edge lengthwise. Their feet were probably two inches away from each other. He wasn't sure but, Phil didn't think Dan noticed, or maybe he just didn't care that much. It was comfortable, that was good. 

At first he didn't notice it, but after the second episode, the sides of their feet were touching. Only barely, but the slightest movement sent a mellow warmth to the rest of Phil's foot. 

By the third episode, nothing changed. The fourth however, resulted in Dan's socked foot resting completely on Phil's. It was tiring keeping his feet pointed up, he had to admit. 

When it got to the point that there was no more pizza and Phil was completely caught up to Dan, Dan's leg was in between Phil's about up to mid calf at least. Phil was comfortable, but he was tired. He knew if he didn't get up soon, he'd end up sleeping on the couch. And, although not uncomfortable, he'd much preferred his bed. 

Slight problem though as Dan was asleep. It wasn't possible to move without waking Dan up and frankly he didn't have the heart to. Dan looked so peaceful, so content. Phil didn't want to ruin that. Phil almost always saw Dan, but this was when he looked most relaxed. 

Carefully, Phil maneuvered himself so that he would move Dan the least amount possible. He was able to get to the doorway, albeit grudgingly, before he heard Dan mumble something. But he just turned over, still heavily in sleepy sedation. "Goodnight Dan." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was one of those people who hated fics where Phil cussed, but i forgot that he does it, just not really on camera. So, I am more comfortable putting it in here.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while. I'm sorry. I hope you like this chapter, it's long overdue. (that's nit a hint at the content....... or is it??)

Phil hadn't done anything all day and it was really bothering him. It was one of those times where you get restless from just being inside. He thought maybe a nap would be fun, but after thirty minutes of trying, he was incapable of falling asleep. He even cleaned up a little around the house. Nothing seemed to stop the unpleasant feeling of being confined in a house all day. 

The day had been very uneventful, and it was driving Phil insane. At least the air in the house seemed less tense. He had no idea if Dan knew how close their feet were last night, and he didn't know if Dan remembered had he realized. What if Dan knew exactly what he was doing? It seemed that Dan was making all the advances on Phil, not the other way around. Considering Dan's hesitance towards their situation in the beginning, this was a real shocker. Maybe Dan was more comfortable with everything than Phil was. 

He was probably overthinking it. But if Dan was comfortable, and was making advances that were nothing but intimate, was he ready to go further? It's not that Phil wasn't ready for anything more intimate than hand-holding and foot-touching. That could be something as simple as a hug. It could also mean something as important and monumental, especially between them, as cuddling, or resting a head on the other's shoulder. 

Phil was positive he was overthinking now. Really, now that he thought about it, it all seemed so minuscule. Honestly, he couldn't understand why he was so concerned about every little detail about everything he and Dan did together. Before the boredom got him into overthinking anything else, Phil went to see if Dan had any plans. Maybe they could go on another date? That would get them out of the house. 

Apparently Dan was just as bored as Phil was, because he actually tidied his room. When Phil entered, he was on his laptop, sitting on his bed. He didn't have a shirt on, which meant he probably hadn't left his room all day. When Dan looked up having expected Phil to say something, and Phil realized he'd been staring at the skin on Dan's collarbones, he gulped and prepared to ask about Dan's plans. 

"Did you have anything you were going to do today?" He coughed out, a little awkward after being so close to getting caught staring. 

"Umm, no. I'm kind of bored actually," Dan questioned, awaiting the reason behind Phil inquisition. 

"Oh, okay. I was bored too, and I was wondering if you'd maybe wanna do something?" 

"UH, yeah, sure. I could use an excuse to get out of the house." This time Phil burst out laughing. Dan was so bored that he wanted to get out of the house. That's some extent. 

Dan smiled at Phil's laugh, although Phil didn't think he had a clue what was so funny. He could see Dan assess what he'd said, still looking confused for a minute. Then he started laughing, "Are you laughing because I want to get out of the house?" 

His laughter dying down, Phil nodded his head, and heard Dan's short, breathy laugh. 

"It's almost five, we should eat." Phil thought that sounded like a good idea, and apparently so did his stomach as it growled on those words. 

"Okay, yeah. Good idea. We should make this a little date." 

"Like a moderately fancy dinner-date?" 

"Yeah. Like a little more like a date, but still casual." 

"Do we know of any moderately fancy restaurants?" 

"Not really no. We haven't really had a purpose for one, have we?" Come to think of it, Phil didn't think they've ever been to a place that was only somewhat fancy. 

"We should look one up," Dan suggested and then scooted over on his bed, an open invitation for Phil to sit down. He couldn't really explain why he felt a little nervous sitting next to Dan, but he had a feeling it had something to do with the fact that he was shirtless, and there wasn't a lot of space to sit. 

He sat down tentatively, realized he was being an idiot, and sat all the way next to Dan trying not to pay attention to how hot Dan's skin felt, who pulled up google and searched for places in the area that fit the criteria they thought of. There was a few places that looked interesting enough, but both of them kept hovering back over a family-owned business. The description said they served Italian foods, and that it was a great place for people of all ages. That seemed pretty close to their ideal restaurant. 

Phil hadn't payed that much attention to the close proximity they were while they were looking for places to go, but now that they had made a decision, that's all Phil's mind could produce. Dan didn't seem to pay much attention to it and Phil decided to try and just let it go. However, Phil did want to get payback- just a casual little something to get Dan's attention. It shouldn't be that hard, right? 

Wrong. The only thing Phil could think of doing to get Dan's attention was to do something with his wardrobe. Since the date wasn't that fancy, he didn't have to dress up, but what has he not worn, or has Dan not seen? He thought about wearing the shirt that looked like it had clouds on it, but that would just make Dan stare at him, not bother him. It seemed that Dan had at least a little interest when he wore a (for the most part) colorless outfit. He decided to go down that path, but it didn't leave him with very many options. The pants weren't a problem, but he didn't have very many dark shirts that had little color. He was just about to put back on the outfit he had worn on their previous date, when underneath his pile of black t-shirts, he saw his star button up. 

It was a short sleeved shirt, with rolled up collars and it was mostly black aside from tiny white and yellow star-shaped speckles. He hoped Dan liked the stars just as much as he liked the clouds, and he hoped the outfit proved successful in it's task of receiving Dan's full attention. 

***

It wasn't until they were inn the taxi and halfway to their destination that Dan realized he was supposed to do a liveshow that night.

"Shit."

"What's the matter?"

"I forgot I was supposed to do a liveshow. Damnit."

"Well, you could just cancel it. You did one last week, and if you think it'll make you feel better, you can make an appearance in mine."

"Hmm, okay, okay. I'll just send a Tweet. Okay." And he did. People weren't happy he was skipping out on his own liveshow, but mostly the response was just that he make sure he took care of himself. The people he always worried about respected him, he had to remember that.

They walked inside the restaurant, who's name neither of them could pronounce. Almost immediately Dan was ready to leave. They had misinterpreted the meaning behind that 'all ages' description, because that clearly didn't mean casual. They were both severely under dressed, and it felt like everyone around them had noticed, although he's sure no one really cared that much. 

Actually, this was the first time Dan was really able to look at Phil. Between it being already dark outside, and there barely being any light above them, it was hard to see anything until they were inside.

Feeling awkward as it was, Dan didn't think openly checking Phil out would help ease everyone's eyes away from them. But when he turned to see if Phil was just as under dressed as he was, he had to turn back around very quickly. He couldn't pay attention to being seated or saying a thank you to the hostess because holy shit Phil was wearing all black. 

An if that wasn't enough, Dan thought, were those fucking stars? Damn. Phil looked hot in all black. And his black hair only intensified his appearance. 

Dan was starting to feel a little warm when the waiter came over and asked them what they wanted to drink. He sort of choked out that he wanted a water- it was so damn hot in there, did they even have air conditioning? 

Phil must've worn that on purpose, he had this pleased little smile on his face that look almost a little too innocent. And jesus fucking christ he had no idea what he was doing to Dan. He was getting very uncomfortable. And seriously, could it get any warmer in this place?

He definitely wore that shirt on purpose. Why else would Phil wear a minimal amount of color? Well, he could have just wanted to wear that shirt, Dan supposed. Yeah, that's it. Phil didn't wear that shirt to mess with Dan, he just felt like wearing something with stars on it. Fucking stars. Lucky Dan. It had to be stars, and black. He was overthinking it. He had to have been. Besides, it was just a shirt, it was no big deal. 

Restless, Dan shifted in his chair, hoping for even the slightest breeze. His face felt hot and his palms were sweaty and nothing was going as planned and it really took a toll on Dan's existence. He could barely look at anything but the ground, however he assumed he had to look at Phil eventually. He just didn't want to. There were so many thoughts and emotions running wild through Dan's mind at the moment, he was afraid of what was going to show up front and center when he took another glance at Phil. 

However, when Dan was actually capable of looking up, all of his thoughts froze at the sight of Phil's face. He looked extremely concerned, and Dan didn't know how to process why he seemed so. The worried crinkle in Phil's forehead was enough to snap Dan out of it though, and he shut his mouth, which he didn't know was hanging open slightly. 

Phil looked like he was about to say something to Dan, but then the waiter brought them their drinks. He wasn't even aware of the fact that Phil ordered water too. That was very unlike him. The waiter, who's name tag said Kyle, had asked them if they were ready to order. Dan hadn't even so much as toughed the menu. But before he could say anything Phil suggested, "We'll just have another minute, thank you." 

When Kyle left, Phil turned his attention back to Dan, who just coughed pathetically. "This place is a lot fancier than I thought. Everyone he is in their fancy business clothes and black dresses." 

All Dan could do was say a quick, "yeah," and nod his head. Normally Dan could keep his cool if he tried hard enough, but right now he was too flustered that everything he did came off as awkward. It was all too much for Dan. 

"It's kind of weird. I feel like all of the people in here are staring at us." 

Dan could only respond with, "yeah" again. 

"D'you want to just leave? You don't look like you're having fun and I don't think anything will improve if we stay here." 

Slightly shocked at Phil's motion to leave, Dan only felt somewhat relieved. He did say that it was okay to leave, though and considering all they got was water, there was nothing for them to pay. Still, Phil left a small tip for Kyle The Waiter before they left. 

There was already a cab outside who'd just dropped a group of people off. Phil asked if it was available for a ride and they both got in. Not smoothly, considering Dan practically fell into the other side, and barely fit behind the driver's seat. 

The air between them seemed like a little too much, a little too close at the moment. He was starting to feel a bit sick when he decided to close his eyes and rest his head against the back of the seat. 

Dan was just beginning to feel more comforted when Phil's hand seemed to reach for his, lying limp not too far out beside him, and pat it. His eyes opened immediately, and he could feel his face pale. He didn't know if it was just him, but Phil's hand felt really hot as it rested on top of his. He wasn't hot anywhere else, just where Phil was touching him. Not being able to bear eye contact, Dan just stared at their hands. He was feeling queasy. 

"Are you okay, Dan?" 

"I-'m fine, I'm fine." It seemed more like Dan was telling himself that rather than convince Phil. He was still unable to take his eyes off of their hands. now loosely intertwined. 

He made an attempt to take deep breaths and calm down, but it didn't seem to work all that well. The rest of the car ride was silent. Every time Dan looked up, Phil was still paying close attention to him, concern still apparent in his expression. At this point all Dan wanted to do was get home and into his bed. 

When they did get home, Dan went straight to his room, not trying to seem rude, but not really caring about how his actions were portrayed. He felt too ill to bother with it.  
It wasn't easy for Dan to fall asleep that night, he lie awake for a couple hours just remembering the failed date they just had and the soup Phil made for him once he'd gotten into bed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All throughout the cab scene I was singing Close by Nick Jonas and Tove Lo, no idea why that song popped into my head....hmm..... P.S. tatinof was amazing. I died. And resurrected by the power of the almighty Dan and Phil. Died once more and then floated into no existence above everyone for the rest of the show. Seriously though, I didn't think I could love them anymore than I already did until I saw tatinof.


	7. Bonus Chapter - 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan is dreaming, but pretend you don't know that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am literally sobbing in the dark, sat on my bed right now. I din't think I'd get this emotional over seeing 1000 hits and over 50 Kudos, but it was unexpected. For a while I had been planning on writing and posting a bonus chapter when this happened. What I didn't prepare for was this story jumping 200 hits in less than 24-hours. (You should really follow me on twitter @writerinmalfoy because you'd get more updates as I'm writing instead of waiting until I post next, because we all know when that'll be) Anyways, long-story-short I kind of rushed this "almost chapter" and it's only about 600 words long. But guys, give me a warning the next time you pull something like that. Either way I love you, and I'm current;y an emotional wreck, but here you go. Enjoy :)

They were sitting really close for some reason. But Dan wasn’t arguing. All he could think about is how it would feel to touch those lips. How it would taste to kiss those lips. And Phil was wearing that shirt again. The one that made him think things he didn’t ever think about towards Phil. At least not until a few days ago. 

It kind of terrified him to think about it though, about how he was so close to Phil and how he could so easily turn his face towards him. So Dan does. He uses his thumb to pull the other side of Phil’s face, the one he can’t see, so that they’re looking right at each other, and he both of Phil’s eyes are on his.

He has no idea where they were. Nor did he care. He was too caught up in Phil’s face getting closer, his breath tickling Dan’s cheek. Too consumed in Phil’s gaze to wonder what the fuck they were doing. Too full of want at the moment, to kiss Phil sweetly, instead kissing with enough force to push Phil back.

They weren’t sitting anymore and somehow the ended up laying in Dan’s bed, for some odd reason. Dan doesn’t take his time anymore. He pulls away from the kiss though, mind reeling, reveling in what he had almost forgot he wanted to do.

So Dan did it. He both of his hands on either side of Phil’s face, and he moved them along his jaw. By now he’s completely forgotten how this even started, but he was too tired, and oddly too excited to stop himself. His finger traveled up from the bottom of Phil’s chin, upupup to his lips again, which he swore were pinker than they are right then. 

He brushes careful fingers along the top lip, taking his free hand to caress the bottom lip. What was he doing? Actually, he didn’t care. He could feel a familiar weight pulling at the pit of his stomach, he was pleasantly uncomfortable. 

Something inside him urges him to lean in further, to eliminate whatever air was between them. Somehow, miraculously, their shirts were off. And they were kissing and they were getting closer and closer to the ground. And they were pushing one another back until finally Dan gave up and let Phil push him.   
Phil pushed him against the floor. Dan was so lost and incoherent right now. He sees Phil’s shirt there on the other side of him. He lets his brain take him back to reality. Which apparently wasn’t there. 

He wasn’t on the ground anymore. He was in his bed. Dan looked at the time, 9 am. Not the night. He lie there for a moment processing what just happened. He had dreamt of getting close to Phil. Closer to Phil than he has been recently. Even consider their new circumstances. 

He wasn’t overthinking it that time, he had just done what felt natural. Of course that was only dream Phil, and he was only half as hard in the dream as he was now that he was awake. And it hasn’t been long for the two of them, in this weird agreement they have going on. He wasn’t sure how to quite process it though. He was still hazy and hard and a single blurb, a single sentence ran over and over again in his thoughts. That was dream Phil, and reality Phil probably wasn’t ready to go that far. Reality Phil wasn’t ready, but Dan presumed he was.

He only kept himself awake a little longer, actually feeling tired enough to drift back into sleep, hoping he could just ignore his slight arousal and forget about it when he woke up later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS did I say i love you guys?


	8. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the third time I've tried writing this, but apparently I write best when I'm supposed to be studying for big exams. lol, sorry if this Chapter absolutely sucks.. I think it feels kinda forced. My thoughts, love and support go out to the families and victims of the events in Orlando this weekend. I encourage the LGBT+ community to keep standing up against violence and hate crimes, and to stay safe. The world is unjust. I hereby dedicated this chapter to you and anyone else dealing with this right now. All the love, Mads.

Phil vaguely remembered waking up at 2 something am, being restless, really hot and sweaty, and extremely disoriented. What he didn't remember was why he woke up in the middle of the night. Or what caused him to throw his blankets on the ground. He must've somehow went back to sleep because now he woke up and he was shivering. HE had no blankets and his room just happened to be freezing.

Phil forgot how cold he was, however, when he got wind of the sickeningly sweet smell of pancakes. Food and the effects of waking up fogging his mind, Phil got out of bed and went to the kitchen. Sure enough, Dan was there making pancakes- American style. Phil's favorite, they were light and fluffy and tasted like an actual cake made in a pan. He had no idea why Dan was making them, there wasn't any special occasion, and they usually just ate cereal, but Phil was happy nonetheless.

***

Dan couldn't believe he was catching feelings for Phil. Actually, it's not that hard to process, and it was an easy idea to get used to. What Dan was really surprised about was that it has only been about three weeks of them going on date, and he's been able to sort out feelings in that short amount of time. So it didn't come as too much of a surprise when Dan planned to wake up early to make pancakes, just because he wanted to please Phil. He wanted to see that smile that was brighter than the sunshine on its happiest day. 

The sad thing, that kept Dan's expression a little more somber than usual, was that he couldn't read Phil. He didn't know if Phil had any reciprocating feelings for him, or if he was just being Dan's bestfriend. His heart still went a little warm and fuzzy when he watched Phil eating the pancakes he made, but he couldn't help thinking about how he wasn't sure he could bear it if he had feelings for Phil and Phil didn't have feelings for him. He thought it would pain him too much. 

Dan went to his room, because now he really had to make a video. Ignoring every plan and his usual preciseness to his filming, Dan decided to just turn his camera on and go with the flow. He laughed at himself, at how unlike himself this was. He did have a general concept he wanted to talk about, so he wasn't just shoving himself into the deepend of quality YouTube content. Change. 

Dan wanted to talk about change, both the good and parts of it. It wasn't that hard once he got really into the topic for Dan to just keep taking. He had a lot of recent occurrences that he could dip into that related so closely to change. 

He had finished filming before noon and was able to start editing before 2. He was rewatching the final edit and feeling really proud of himself and some of the clever phrases he was able to come up with. 

Phrases like, "Change is like the ever-changing summer weather in America. Sometimes, it's thunderous and terrifying, not at all pleasant. And sometimes, it's like the rainbow afterwards, that is the sign of new beginnings towards the road to happiness." 

He also mentioned how putting yourself into new situations can lead to discovering things about yourself that you never thought about or focused on before. New thoughts and feelings, that can be just the thing you needed to truly feel happy. He didn't forget to point out how change doesn't always have to be good, and it can be very overwhelming. He commented on how you didn't have to like change all the time, and you didn't have to always change, but it was an easy way to find yourself at your happiest point. 

One sentence he said, he made sure he kept in because it really drove that point through. It was, "You can't expect to randomly find happiness in the middle of a bad time if you don't change something, even if it's just one thing, that'll alter the perspective you have on life. If you don't greet change like you look at the clouds, as something different, something personalized every day, then you won't be able to get out of that sad slump you're in. Treat change like you treat the clouds, I promise one day it'll all click and things will start to seem better." 

It was nearly 5 when Dan was completely finished editing and the video was postable. He hadn't seen Phil much the whole day. Really it was just at breakfast and brief moments passing by each other when Dan needed to leave the office for something. Dan was somewhat thankful for their narrow hallways, it gave way for them to actually brush shoulders or bump legs every now and then. Before he never had a reason to enjoy walking in the very thin space between rooms but now, he realized, it became the only place he saw Phil on days they were busy. He then realized he sort of missed seeing Phil even though Phil was only a few rooms away. 

He also began to think about, how all throughout the day, anytime Dan saw Phil, they were touching. Not for long, or awkwardly. But he didn't notice they were doing it until now. They were naturally gravitating towards each other's touch. Sure that had to mean something. Well, Dan thought, it surely meant that he was gravitating towards their touch, but it didn't really mean Phil was subconsciously leaning into Dan, to get a slight bit closer. 

He had noticed it earlier that morning, while making pancakes. Phil had come over to see what Dan was doing and Their arms brushed, Dan could feel that. His arm felt like fire and still tingled for a good half hour after that. When they were passing each other when Dan got himself lunch, their shoulders got in the way of their walking. Every time they touched was heated friction. At least for Dan it was. He wanted more of that heat. He wanted more of that Phil. He wanted to see Phil. He wanted to go on another date. 

*** 

It was an easy idea for Phil to suggest the Italian Restaurant they had gone to the night previous. He didn't know how comfortable Dan would be with that suggestion though, considering how uncomfortable he seemed last night. However when he mentioned it after Dan asked if they wanted to go on a date, Dan was almost excited. They knew now how fancy the restaurant actually was and were going to be a lot more prepared. Phil explained this thought to Dan. 

"Yeah, but I honestly don't know what I have that's fancy enough for this." Phil thought that was easy, "Um, a button up, tie and a nice coat? You have all of that." 

Dan looked wary but Phil assumed he thought that would be okay enough, because he said thanks and then left for his room. Phil knew exactly what he was going to wear. He was out the door in his blue button up with black spots all over them and a nice black tie in no time. 

When Phil said coat, he didn't really expect Dan to wear a suit coat. Now that Dan was right in front of him, in an all black outfit complete with a suit jacket, he didn't regret one bit that he suggest the attire. 

They were much more comfortable being seated this time, not feeling so out of place. Luckily they didn't get the same waiter as yesterday and Phil didn't recognize anyone from the previous night. Thus making it easier for them to relax as much as possible in a fancy situation. Phil ordered a Strawberry Daiquiri and Dan ordered a Martini Cocktail. The thought of how easily drunk Dan gets quickly flitted in Phil's mind but just a quickly flitted out. Dan could handle a martini right?

Phil was so incredibly wrong. It only took half a glass before Dan began to get a little tipsy. Phil could tell because Dan got really giddy when he got drunk. His words were only slurring a little by the time their food came out, but everything was funny to him. Phil appreciated Dan's laugh, don't get him wrong, but Dan's laugh was loud. He wasn't overly loud or drawing any attention to them, but Phil figured if he drank much more, they would be causing a bit of a disruption. 

Thankfully Dan had only just finished his second drink when they payed the bill and left for their house. The alcohol hadn't yet swam through Dan's veins and he was still just slightly tipsy. Phil laughed inwardly, Dan was such a lightweight. He wouldn't be surprised if Dan was full on drunk and Phil had to carry him by the time they got home. 

It sort of worked out like that. Dan left no space between the two of them in the car, and Phil was finding it very hard to breathe. Dan's head lent in to whisper something to him, and the warm alcohol-scented breath glided against his ear. Phil shivered and sat uncomfortably in anticipation as Dan pulled his face away without saying anything, most likely forgetting what he was going to say. 

Phil tried really hard to focus on getting home, but Dan somehow managed to get even closer to Phil and made all of his senses hyperaware of Dan. It didn't help that his bestfriend-technically-boyfriend-sort of was clad in all black and his suit was tight in all the right places. Phil tried really hard not to think about how hot Dan looked when he was drunk, and he most certainly attempted to ignore the pooling of liquid heat in the pit of his stomach. 

He couldn't tell for sure, but Phil could've sworn Dan's tongue met his neck at one point in the car. He just brushed it off though, it must've been an accident, they were really close and the road was a little bumpy. 

The second time Phil felt something wet against his neck, he had almost gotten them inside their apartment. This time Phil knew it was intentional. 

His neck still tingling, Phil moved fully inside. He no sooner closed the door and turned around and was inches away from Dan. Dan's lips were red and martini-stained, his eyes were a hungry shade of brown, dark and glossy. 

He was pushed against the door and then Dan's mouth was all over him. Traveling all along his collarbone, open mouthed kisses all up to the side of his neck and just under his ear. Phil was lost in the moment, the contact exploding fire through his skin and leaving his brain fuzzy. He had no idea he needed this so much. His body craved more but his mind was telling him no. 

His hands acted before his brain could and gripped Dan's sides as Dan moved his kisses along Phil's jaw, getting rough after each kiss last. A low shallow moan vibrated through Dan and Phil could feel it still as it moved against his skin. A second passed and Dan was staring at Phil, he could feel Dan's eyes all over his face. Another second passed and then Dan was kissing his mouth. It was hot and hard and needy and Phil was losing his senses, only encompassed by Dan. 

Dan's hands had slid up Phil's shirt which he untucked in optimal time. Phil was hastily removing Dan's jacket as he tasted martini and strawberry two flavors he never knew he wanted to taste together until now. Dan's nosed was flush against his cheek and Phil's nose on Dan's. Dan smelled of vanilla and citrus, obviously because of his drink. The kiss became hastier and tongues were absentmindedly exploring the one place Phil never expected it to go. 

He wanted Dan and he was ready to push Dan towards the bedroom but his thoughts became more coherent at the loss of contact. Dan was drunk. Dan was a lightweight. And Dan had no real control over what he was doing right now. Phil wanted this but sex, although hungry and aggressive, was still passionate and personal, careful even. Phil wouldn't be able to live with himself if he let them go on like this with Dan being in the state he was in. Whether he wanted it or not, Dan was still intoxicated and continuing like this would essentially mean Phil would be using Dan. That is not okay. 

So Phil gently pushed Dan off of him, ignored how badly he wanted, maybe even needed, to fuck someone right now and led Dan to his room. If Dan remembered this in the morning, Phil would explain to him what happened. If he didn't then so be it. Dan was intoxicated, Dan was drunk. He probably didn't mean it anyway. They were both sexually frustrated at the moment anyways right? 

Phil hated taking cold showers, but he hated even more the thought of taking advantage of someone, let alone Dan. A cold shower was nothing compared to that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg I finally updated! I'm not so sure about how I feel about this chapter. I promise I'll get better at writing kiss scenes whenever the smut comes along. Hope you enjoyed. I hope to write to you soon.


	9. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys when I added the bonus chapter it messed up the whole format because of the way AO3 sets up their stories. I like this one and I think you will too. btw it's summer now :)

Hangovers sucked ass. The worst part, was that Dan had only two drinks last night. He was an odd person when it came to hangovers. He got them easily, just like he got drunk, but he doesn’t forget things that happen when he’s drunk. He had a pounding head but he still remembered Phil pulling him to his bedroom after they technically made out and putting him to sleep. He doesn’t really know why Phil suddenly stopped kissing him. Maybe Dan had come on a little too strong. Maybe he had been forcing Phil to kiss him and Phil really didn’t like it. Maybe Phil was disgusted by what Dan had done. 

Quite honestly it hurt Dan’s head even more than the after effects of alcohol just thinking about what happened last night. Maybe that restaurant wasn’t good for them. Maybe that restaurant wasn’t good for Dan. Either way something happened and Dan wasn’t sure what that did to them. 

Sure it was a kiss, but it wasn’t a simple little kiss. Dan full-on made out with Phil. For a little while, at least, before Phil stopped him. Dan may have just single-handedly ruined everything he had going for him and Phil. Phil never actually initiated anything. Maybe Phil didn’t want to do this anymore. 

That would hurt. Dan truly was attracted to Phil. He truly felt something there. But if Phil didn’t reciprocate that, then there was no sense in Dan making it even harder on himself when they ended up failing their little experiment. He would have to talk to Phil. Maybe Phil thought Dan forgot about it. Yeah, maybe Phil won’t mention it, then Dan won't have to either. That sounded easier. Probably not smarter. 

An hour later and Dan’s headache had cleared- he also didn’t have very long hangovers. He was able to think a bit more appropriately. He certainly realized that he had to talk to Phil. It was the right thing to do. Neither of them deserved to be in this if it wasn’t viewed at a mutual perspective anymore. 

He found Phil in the lounge watching some random thing on the TV. Fuck he really didn’t want to do this. But he had to. 

“Good morning, Dan,” Phil greeted as he turned off his show. 

Dan smiled, not a convincing one, and took a deep breath. He had to do it, he reminded himself. Phil could obviously tell something was wrong, because he no longer showed any cheery grin, just a tight, concerned frown. “What’s wrong?” 

“I think we should stop this; whatever it is we’re doing.” There he said it and he can’t take it back now. He would just have to get over it. 

“Wait. Wha- why? Why do you want to stop this? What’s going on?” Dan couldn’t read Phil’s emotions. 

“Well, because, if you, you know, aren’t happy in this situation, then we should stop this. It doesn’t make sense to keep doing this if you aren’t into it and it’s okay. I have been the one to start everything, and I understand it if I crossed the line last night. I’m fine with letting this odd suggestion go, if that’s what you want to do. I get it. And neither of us deserve to be put through that sort of discomfort. I can’t keep doing something if another person isn’t feeling okay with it. And I don’t want to ruin the one thing that, the one person who’s literally the only thing I care about. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing I could have saved us, somehow, and that I didn’t. I can’t bear the thought of not having you there anymore. I can’t go back to feeling so alone again. So I have to save this, I have to save- “ 

And then Phil kissed him. And damn did it feel good to kiss Phil. Sober, Dan could think about everything. You would think that that’s not what one wanted in an uncommon situation, especially for someone prone to overthinking things. But not Dan, he liked to think about how Phil’s legs were scooting closer to him, as he pulled Dan forward. He liked to think about how Phil kissed soft and sweet, his lips smooth and prepared, as if a lot of thought was put into this moment, this kiss right here. 

Dan liked to think about how Phil was holding Dan’s hands, which he didn’t know were trembling. And he liked to think about how he was comfortable, sat legs crisscrossed on their couch, Phil kissing his doubts away. The kiss wasn’t passionate, but tender, gentle. This kiss held meaning and it was totally different than last night’s. Last night’s almost shouldn’t count. Dan didn’t want to count that one, he much preferred this one. This kiss that tickled Dan’s insides and painted the sky pink. This kiss that said, “I’m here, I’m okay, I care, and you’ll be okay too. You’re not alone.” This kiss that was in itself so little but spoke so, so much. 

Dan liked thinking about kissing Phil. Dan liked kissing Phil. Allowing Phil and himself some breath, Dan pulled away, but not too far. He didn’t realize how tight he had wrapped his hands around Phil. He also didn’t notice that he had been crying through the kiss. He still had tears dripping wet paths down his cheeks, and could taste the saltwater on his tongue. He wondered if Phil knew he was crying when he kissed him. 

They were still sitting crisscrossed, facing each other. Dan had moved his hands to his lap. Phil looked up at him through his lashes, and tilted his head. The smallest smile ghosted his face as he reached his hand up and wiped away the tears from under Dan’s eyes. “Emotions are a pain in the butt sometimes, eh?” 

Dan chuckled a little at this. “Emotions are a pain in the butt,” he echoed. Really, Dan wasn’t sad, he was probably just overwhelmed. He had been so anxious and so ready to force himself to move on, and then so happy, so consumed with the bliss of kissing Phil, that his feelings made him a big mess of expressions. 

Dan still couldn’t believe he was just kissing Phil. He was so sure that Phil didn’t see Dan the way Dan was seeing Phil. So, Dan kissed him again for good measure, quick and to the point, almost to test the reality of it all. Definitely real, Dan thought. 

They were quite for a while, and Dan rested his head against Phil’s shoulder in front of him. In return Dan felt Phil rest his head on the opposite of Dan’s shoulders. They sat there like that, holding each other for what seemed like forever, but truthfully it was probably only a half hour. They were content. Dan reckoned they should talk, about where they were now and where they were going next, but at the moment he didn’t feel like it. 

The moment was over all too soon in Dan’s mind. “We need to talk.” 

The words only made Dan’s heart a millisecond faster. He reminded himself of what their kiss meant- that they were okay, they were going to be okay, and he wasn’t freaking out about the conversation they were about to have. 

“Yes, we do need to talk. We need to know where we both stand right now, and what’s next.” 

“I think by now we’ve both established that this, - us - is not just some stupid idea I came up with because we were both romantically bored. It may have started that way, sure, but now it’s more. So number one- where do we both stand right now?”

Dan didn’t really have to think too much on this question and proceeded to reply with his own. “Is this a relationship, an official, no testing the waters, relationship?” 

“I think so, yeah. Yes,” Phil said, a light pink tinge creeping up his neck and face. He looked at Dan and grinned. Dan thought he looked almost like an innocent little kid, happy. “Number two- “ 

“Where to next?” Dan finished. 

“This one’s harder. But obviously more dates, that’s all in the package. I say we take it one step at a time. When things happen, they happen. And we’ll take it in stride, together.” 

Phil seemed so ready for these questions, like he was waiting for them. Like he had thought about them before. Dan liked that idea and he liked what Phil was saying. But he still had a question and he honestly didn’t want to talk about it. “What about what we do in public? Do we have to be careful?” 

“For the first short while, we probably should keep the more intimate interactions to a minimum. At least until we’re both comfortable. I know how important it is for you to keep things private until you’re ready to share them, so it can be a while, I’m fine with that.” 

Dan still wasn’t sure, what if Phil wanted to share it with his viewers? What if Dan’s own personal hesitations effected what Phil wanted to do and as a result deterred Phil away from him? He just got Phil, he didn’t want to lose him that soon. 

Phil’s whisper let his mind ease away from those thoughts, “Hey.” Dan was still looking at his hands, which were in his lap. “Hey, Dan. Look at me. Dan,” Phil pulled his chin up so that Dan was looking right at him again. 

“I told you, I’m fine. A relationship is a team effort. Me and you. Together. I respect that you want to wait, that’s not a problem. It’s okay. I’m still here, stop worrying so much. Like I said, let it happen.” 

“Okay,” Dan managed before Phil gave him another quick kiss to shut him up. “You let your mind think too much. Try and let your heart think for once.” 

Dan did try and let his heart think. And he thought his heart was telling him to kiss Phil again, so he did. He kissed Phil until his lips got so tired and he was about ready to fall asleep. His eyes were heavy and the couch was comfy and Phil was warm. He decided it would be okay to take a nap. He was a little exhausted from all the emotions his body just experienced. A nap sounded like a good idea. 

*** 

“Jesus fuck, Phil.” Dan had so not been ready for this. “Why the fuck did I watch that? Why the fuck did you make me watch that?” 

“C’mon, it wasn’t that scary.” 

“I can literally feel my throat getting sore from screaming so much,” Dan retorted. That movie was a shitload of scary and Phil won’t admit it, but Dan knew he was scared too. 

They woke up a tad too late for lunch and decided popcorn and a movie was a good idea. However, all the popcorn landed on the floor when Dan jumped and knocked the bowl, spilling out half the popcorn. That was not but fifteen minutes into the goddamn movie. Eventually, Dan ended up instinctively reaching for and grabbing Phil’s hand. Bloody bastard. 

“Would you want to maybe get some dinner and watch another one? I promise it won’t be scary this time.” 

Dan did like watching the movie with Phil. It was easy to actually watch instead of thinking about every little thing they did. He was able to see a movie without his mind over analyzing every move, and cuddling next to Phil. 

They decided upon watching Harry Potter, it was still and interesting movie, but one they knew well enough to be sure nothing was too terrifying. When the movie finished and Phil got up and put the next one in, Dan didn’t protest. When Dan fell asleep against Phil during the fourth movie, he didn’t move. Instead he laid them both down and let the movie fade away as he too fell asleep. They were real now, and that made him happy. 


	10. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will give you a minute to reread all of the tags for this story. If any of them bother you, do not continue reading.

“Christ Phil. It’s been less than twenty-four hours and I’m barely awake. Really?”

Dan got a, “mmfph,” from Phil in return as he gracefully maneuvered himself from being wrapped around Dan and barely hovered over him. Definitely awake. “Twenty-four hours but I haven’t had a good fuck for over a month now,” Phil explained unapologetically.

Dan smirked. “Well I guess this means it’ll be quick.”

“Shut up,” Phil said only a tad bit more smugly than defensively. Dan smiled as Phil ducked his head and started leaving wet kisses along Dan’s collarbone and up his shoulder until he reached Dan’s neck. He relished in the deep moan that arose from Phil and vibrated against his neck.

Even as Dan pushed his head back into the couch in attempt to feel something, anything more, Phil made his way up to Dan’s mouth. He wasn’t exactly sure where they were going with this, but the kissing was familiar territory. Dan let Phil, whose arms were braced on either of Dan’s head keeping him propped up, sit fully on top of him, as his tongue slid across Dan’s lips.

 “Shit,” Dan moaned as Phil’s tongue filled his mouth and found a rhythm to match Dan’s own. Dan trailed hot heavy hands from the backs of Phil’s shoulders to set and stay firm at his hips. Relishing in Phil’s heat, Dan slightly opened his thighs, wanting, needing to feel more of Phil.

 Phil needed no further invitation as he moved his hips up and then back down again, rubbing himself against Dan and grazing Dan in the action. “ _Shit_ ,” Dan groaned, more desperately this time, tilting his head back even further into the couch. Phil pulled back breathless, and Dan just thrust himself up against Phil this time.

 “No,” he moaned, “don’t stop.”

 Phil didn’t argue, and Dan slid his hands under the hem of Phil’s shirt, pulling it over his head. Phil dipped his head back down and continued kissing him as Dan moved his fingers along Phil’s chest, tracing his sides, hooking his thumbs at the waistband of Phil’s jeans and steadying them back at Phil’s hips.

Dan couldn’t decide where he should put his attention, Phil’s weight pressed fully into him or the little hasty kisses Phil was peppering along Dan’s throat and jaw. Never in the years he and Phil had known each other had Dan thought they would be here right now.

 Phil whimpered when Dan moved his hands down further to cup and pull Phil back down to him while he bucked his own hips up, stopping at nothing for heated friction. Once, twice, three more times Phil let himself slide along Dan’s upper thigh before his was biting a moan into Dan’s shoulder. He ground down harder, so close, and released liquid heat between them.

 With a final groan, Dan’s grip on Phil’s bum tightened as he came underneath Phil, pushing up and pulsing more white-hot heat in the thin space that fabric allowed between them. Sweaty and sticky, Phil pushed himself up off of Dan and rolled over next to him. “You good?” Phil asked, sighing comfortably in content. He reached for Dan’s hand in quiet reassurance.

 “Yeah, actually,” Dan said, “better than good. Fantastic. I just wasn’t expecting us to move that fast.”

 “Well I told you, it’s been over a month since I’ve come even close to that. How long exactly did you think I would last. I mean-”

 Dan laughed and waved his hand dismissively interrupting Phil, “No, not that, you dingus. We only just discussed where we stood yesterday. I don’t think most normal couples have almost-sex that soon after starting to date.”

 “Guess we’re not a normal couple then, eh?”

 “No I guess not,” Dan processed that information.

 He turned his head slightly to face Phil and leaned in ever so slightly to give him a small peck on the lips. Why? Because he could, because he’s fallen hopelessly in love with his best friend in such a short period of time, and has somehow managed to feel like he’s been wanting to do that for forever.

 “We have a radio show today,” Phil spoke, after a few minutes of silence.

 Dan groaned, it’s not that he didn’t like the radio shows, he just knew that this would be the first thing everyone could see after they’ve become something real. He pressed his hands to his face, wriggling one easily away from Phil’s grasp, suddenly realizing he was still wet and sticky, and too much seemed to be going through his mind at once.

 Phil removed Dan’s hands from his face suddenly moving back to sit on top of Dan. “Hey. Nothing has to change remember. Just be yourself. We’re in this together and I’ll be right there. I’m always right there.”

 Dan sighed, “yeah,” Phil was right. Nothing has to change. Except for the kissing, he liked that, very much so. Only not so much so that he’ll do it in front of his audience just yet. But he wrapped his arms around Phil’s neck and pulled him down.

 He took a moment to relax under Phil, he was oddly calmed by kissing him. He could really get used to this, he thought. And then he smiled against Phil’s lips, because he could get used to it, he was allowed to, and he had the time now- the privilege.

 And so they ended up sitting there like that, kissing, for a good thirty minutes before both of them were uncomfortable in their now cold-and-wet pants and ready for a shower.  To Dan’s surprise it was only 10:30 in the morning and when he got out of the shower Phil had already gotten dressed for the day.

 They didn’t really have anything important to do until the radioshow, which was much later in the day, and Phil was hungry, inspiring a brunch date.

 There was a little place that was only a ten-minute walk from their flat called Lily’s that they’ve gone to before. The wooded walls and plants placed everywhere always felt welcoming to them. But that was just a bonus because the food there was always so, so good, and the people there were always so kind to them. It was a home-y place they had discovered around the same time they moved here to London. Dan thought it was obvious that they would come here for brunch and so did Phil.

 Nothing screams brunch more than coffee, omelets and a lobster to share- it’s what they always got. Lily’s was such a familiar and comfortable place for them thank they fell into conversation easily. Dan was even able to talk about their plans for the radioshow in the comfy little café.

 “What have we planned to talk about today?”

 “Hm?” Phil titled his head to the side, a mouthful of omlete and a confused expression.

 “Y’know, for the show later? What subjects do we have planned to discuss?”

 “Oh, uhm, nothing too special it has been a while since we’ve done a show so we can fill up a lot of time with what we’ve been up to. Other than that we should probably pick one or two other topics. Shouldn’t be hard.”

 “Oh okay, that sounds good. Reckon we should just choose two celebrities to talk about, that’ll make it even easier on us.” In all honesty, Dan wasn’t really thinking about how easy the show would be, he was mildly getting anxiety towards the fact that he might fuck up and reveal something to an audience- a live one at that, where they couldn’t just, “edit that bit out.”

 What if he accidentally ruins everything he has going for him, outing himself or Phil or both of them. What if he mucks up his plans to make it the least painful as possible when he finally tell the whole world that he and Phil were a thing. He hated having the underlying fear that he was going to do something very stupid and lose Phil.

 “Dan?”

 “Oh, sorry. What?” He managed.

 Phil reached for Dan’s hand, which was resting on the table, and he happened to be digging the nail of his thumb into the side of his forefinger. “Stop stressing yourself out, Dan.” Phil’s smile was small and genuine, it also looked a little sad. “You don’t always have to be perfect. You don’t always have to worry about what other people think.”

 Dan sighed. He wasn’t even happy eating anymore. Still, he looked back at Phil and smiled, he was right. But he still didn’t like the thought of people’s reactions having an effect on them, on Phil. He took one more look at Phil’s eyes, the glimmer of concern behind them, and realized maybe that’s what Phil was thinking too. Maybe Phil needed reassurance now because of how much Dan cared. But Dan only cared about it _because_ of Phil.

 “We’ll be together,” Dan said, repeating Phil’s earlier words. Phil’s smile lost a little of its sadness, but he still looked a little worried, “We’ll be together.”

 It was no surprise when they were confronted by their waiter about dessert, Dan found himself asking for a cheesecake. He ordered them a raspberry one to split between them and almost snatched the plate from the waitress’s hand when it came. Dan did end up finishing his meal and the conversation became lighthearted and easy very quickly. They were left delightedly full, and yet Dan ached at the idea of cheesecake. Perhaps he couldn’t tell the difference between the ache of wanting more or the one of being full. Either way, he told Phil, he could just hear the cheesecake calling his name.

 Phil had taken two bites before Dan caught him licking a drop of raspberry drizzle off of his lips. Dan started to laugh, then stopped mid laugh because that was actually kind of _hot_. It was just Phil being his typical clumsy self, but _fuck_ that seemed at least a _bit_ sensual. Suddenly Dan was done with his dessert. All he could think about was Phil’s lips, and how much he’d rather be kissing them right now.  And yeah, there was a slight tickle of a thought about how fast they were moving that was somewhere in the back of his brain but honestly who the fuck _cares_?

 “Dan are you alright?”

 Dan would say he only slightly blushed, Phil would later compare him to a beet. “Uh, yeah, m’fine. We should go.” He tried desperately not to sound on edge but he just wanted to kiss Phil, and it would take them at least ten minutes to get out of the eyes of the public. It should be completely understandable why he wanted to leave so bad.

 “Dan are you sure you’re okay?” Phil questioned, five minutes into their walk back home. “I promise, I’m fine. I just want to get home.”

 When they got inside Phil turned around to face Dan. “Why the hell did you want to get home so fast?” His tone wasn’t angry or accusing, not at all, just concerned. Dan’s request to leave resulted in Phil having to box up the rest of the cake and he’s been carrying it the whole way home, a constant reminder to Dan of why he was so determined to get back, etching the image of Phil licking away the sauce. _Damn_ it, that fucking cheesecake.

 “ _This_ ,” Dan took the bag from Phil’s hand and held it up, “this will forever be something I order if it get you like _that_ every time.”

 “Like what?” Phil only showed a slight alarm at Dan’s aggressive tone. This wasn’t angry, this was something Dan hadn’t ever showed Phil.

 “Th- that way you were licking your lips. You didn’t even _care_ about how unbelievably attractive that made you. That cheesecake was torture.” Dan was walking towards Phil now, who continued to back up even more. He had a smirk on his lips. On the lips that Dan so eagerly wants to be kissing right now.

 “You still haven’t told me why you wanted to get home, though Dan,” Phil pushed, technically true.

 Dan growled, having abandoned the bag a few steps ago, and pushing Phil up against the wall. “ _Shit_ ,” Phil muttered under his breath, they’ll get that cheesecake every fucking time if this is what ensues. Dan was so hungry for Phil, and Phil was thanking the gods for how that looked on him. Dan’s hips straddled Phil’s and jesus fucking Christ this was so much better when they were _awake_.

 Phil decided to keep pushing Dan, “Why do we come home so fast?”

 Dan growled again, pushing Phil further into the wall, “Shut up,” he whispered in Phil’s ear. Dan’s body was flush up against his and their lips were so close. And then Dan moved his lips a few inches down and to the right so fast, tasting raspberry still in Phil’s mouth.

 His lips were smooth from eating and Dan licked Phil’s top lip, one of his hands snaking up to reach Phil’s hair, the other around his waist, keeping him against the wall. Meanwhile one of Phil’s legs made its way around Dan’s waist and his hands were tugging at the hair just above Dan’s neck. Dan moaned into the kiss when Phil tugged just a little rougher, tightening his grip around Phil’s back.

 Phil’s tongue swept the insides of Dan’s mouth, as he pulled Dan’s head down closer to him, naturally making his hips thrust forward. Neither of them were sure the kiss could get any hotter than it was. They were oh so wrong.

 Dan pulled Phil’s other leg up and Phil easily wrapped it against his waist. Phil’s crotch was now just above Dan’s hips and suddenly their clothes felt a little too tight. It was a struggle getting out of their shirts without Phil getting down, but they were able to do so before hands were roaming everywhere and Dan was grinding up against Phil, pushing up and rubbing and _holy shit_ he wasn’t planning on coming twice today but here he was real fucking close.

 “Shit. _Fuck_ , Phil.” Phil was pushing his hips down, moving to stand, brushing against Dan, both of them biting back moans. Phil’s hands came to Dan’s back jeans pockets and he slid them in, squeezing, exploring. Dan thrusted up again, moving away from Phil’s lips and onto his neck, biting and pulling flesh between his teeth and _shit_ Phil was squirming underneath him, moaning as he came into his jeans. Seconds later Phil was bucking his hips towards Dan and carding fingers through his hair as Dan rode out his post-orgasm high.

 Dan laughed and rested his head against Phil’s shoulder, “All that because of a stupid cheesecake.”

 ***

By the time they got home from the radioshow, they were exhausted. Dan was very much relieved that nothing had happened, but he also did stare at Phil a little more than usual. He just hoped it wasn’t noticeable. The show went fairly easy and they had obviously cleaned themselves up before leaving the house again, so nothing should’ve been too suspicious.

 Dan went straight for his bed, while Phil went to the kitchen. Really when was that man not hungry? Dan shook his head fondly, stripping so that all he had on was his boxers. He slid under the duvet and was fast asleep in a matter of minutes. Dan was already dozed when Phil went to his own bedroom, which did not allow Dan to think about what they hell their sleeping arrangements were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been so long. it's been so long. maybe we're fireproof. no but srsly guys im a butt. lol, this is a long chapter and i hope it makes up for my lack of posting. oh and porn.. ??? x mads


	11. Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh look, more fluff. yay.

Honestly Phil had no idea why he woke up to a sad lonely feeling and the sense that something was missing. He also didn’t know he quietly tiptoed over to Dan’s room. It was still dark out and much too early to be awake. Then again, darkness has no real or specific association with time.

In all actuality, Phil was only mildly surprised to find Dan sleeping. His mind told him it was probably only 3 am, but he must be wrong. Either way he padded over to the empty side of Dan’s bed and gently glided under the covers.

They had done this before, waking up and finding each other next to them in the morning. But it was always platonic, it never meant anything more. Phil was oddly comforted by the fact that he was comfortable like that, and it wasn’t weird to wake up tangled within someone’s arms, because they were familiar arms. Phil had also noticed that they were perfectly fine staying on one side of the bed. If they wanted to. They didn’t have to worry about it then, and even less so now.

It took maybe five more minutes of nonsensical thinking before Phil had fallen asleep. And another few hours until he woke up, this time with curly hair pressed to the back of his neck and a dimple he could feel against his shoulder blade. He wanted to turn around, to see the smiling face that was so warm and lovely. Yet he also wanted to stay like he was, Dan’s arms wound tightly around him and his foot dangled somewhere loosely on one of Dan’s legs. Two very conflicting yet beneficial options, Phil thought.

In the end he decided he would indeed like to _see_ Dan’s face, because then he’d be able to kiss it. First Phil kissed his nose, then Dan’s temples, then his dimple and finally his lips. It was nothing outrageous, just chaste kiss so light and careful it could’ve almost felt nonexistent. But it didn’t. With Dan every small touch, every sweet moment still burned into Phil, in the most amazing way possible.

Phil wondered if it would stay like that. If they would always feel so excruciatingly perfect. Then again he couldn’t remember a time when they didn’t feel better together. It had just always been that way- they were Dan and Phil.

“Phil?” Dan sat up.

“Hmm?” Phil’s attention wandered back to Dan as he too, sat up.

“What time’d you come in here?”

“Oh. I don’t know, I thought it was about three, but my mind was a bit sleep-influenced.”

“Mmh. Y’know if you’re going to do this every night, is there a point to sleeping in separate rooms?”

Phil took in a deep breath. Were they moving too fast? This wasn’t normal. Isn’t normal. No relationship he’s been in so far has moved this quickly. Then again, this wasn’t just any relationship- this was Dan. When he really thought about it, the proposal made sense. It would be ten times easier if they just slept in the same room. And Phil had no problem with it.

“Hmm. I like that idea. And your bed is just so much comfier than mine,” Phil bounced a little on the bed and shot a smirk toward Dan.

Dan laughed and Phil watched as the corners of his eyes crinkled up just a little. Phil liked noticing tiny things about Dan. Even being friends this long, Phil was still finding out sweet quirks Dan had.

 Like how he rubs his thumb inside his index finger when he’s nervous or bored. Or how he almost always has his hands in his hair, unless its curly- then he won’t touch it until its straight. Phil loved how passionate Dan was when someone mention the sky or the stars, how his whole face lit up and he could ramble on an on. He loved that he could tell when Dan was thinking, really thinking about something, because when he did he bit his tongue and his eyes became half-lidded. He loved how at night, Dan would subconsciously reach for Phil’s hand. He did that even before their relationship.

Phil smiled, bit his lip and cocked his head. Then he pursed his lips. Maybe they were moving too fast and yes, the thought that lent a hand to caress his mind scared him a little. But maybe it didn’t matter so much that he’s just now thought it. Maybe he loved Dan. Phil smiled again. Yes, maybe he did love Dan.

Phil plopped back down on the bed, covered his face with his hands, smiled just a little more, then moved them away from his face so he could see Dan. “We should do something.”

“Something? Like what?” Dan lay back down beside Phil.

They were both looking up at the ceiling, kind of aimlessly staring.

“I don’t really know. But I want to do something fun, something relaxed. How about a date?”

“Another date?”

“Yeah. I’ll take you somewhere- not sure exactly where yet- and it’ll be nice. And we’ll enjoy ourselves, because why not?”

“A date it is then,” Dan side-eyed Phil, “What time will you be picking me up?”

It was Phil’s turn to laugh now, this time bring Dan along with him and soon enough they had forgotten why they were still laughing, and why it was so funny. Phil kissed Dan again, mid-laugh, and tried to sober himself. “Be ready in ten minutes!” And the he left the room. Not before he heard, “Ten minutes, jesus fuck.”

“Heard that.” He shouted from the hall.

***

Dan had no idea where they were going, or why they took the underground to get there. As much as he used it, you would think he’d be more familiar with it and the places all the different trains led to. But nope, he didn’t and now he was stuck half-pressed up against Phil and slightly brushing against some random stranger, wondering where in the hell Phil was taking him.

He didn’t mind the trains so much; he just didn’t like the people on it, is all. But he’d get over it. Besides, his mind was still reeling, trying to think of possible date places.

When Phil dragged him off the train and stopped in front of the doors to the Aquarium, Dan mentally slapped himself. He should’ve known. Nonetheless he was eager to get inside. Who could blame him? He was with Phil.

Phil didn’t let go of Dan’s hand as they walked in. Dan was okay with it. Dan held Phil’s hand back, if that was a thing. Phil had asked Dan before they did anything if they could go to the dolphin show. That was the only thing they had planned for the whole day and it wasn’t for another hour or so. Considering they had some time to kill, Dan let Phil drag him all around the building.

They started at the sharks. Obviously, Phil was entertained. “You know, in prehistoric times there were megaladons. They were huge.”

They found their way to the small tanks with exotic fish and tiny seahorses. Dan was chuckling, “Yes Phil, I know that the male seahorses have the babies.” Phil was spitting out any and every fact he knew for each exhibit. Dan thought it was adorable. Phil was clearly having fun. There was a small rainforest section that had monkeys swinging from trees all over them.

The last time Dan had come to this aquarium he was still in school. One of the damn monkeys pooped on his head. It was such a Phil thing to happen, he thought. But, he figured, how many people get to say they got pooped on by a monkey? He must be one of the very few.

By the time they got around the rainforest exhibit, they were five minutes late for the dolphins. Dan didn’t mind so much that they were late, and he didn’t want Phil to stress out.

They casually walked into the arena where the show was held and quickly noticed that it was packed. There weren’t very many seats left- and they were all in the splash zone. “Oh god.”

“We have to sit in the splash zone.” Phil looked at Dan incredulously, then begged with his eyes.

“Fine.” He walked them over to a pair of seats and sat down. The splash zone was usually reserved for kids. Dan felt like he was an elephant in a stroller- out of place and way too big for where he’s at. He tried his best to focus on other things, but couldn’t help squirming in his chair a bit. Phil reached for his hand and Dan let him hold it even though they were in a very public place, because Phil took away his edge. It was easy to let go with Phil, and not care so much.

Truthfully, the show was boring. In total they had been splashed once, and they were barely hit at all. Dan was getting bored, but he kept himself entertained by leaning his head on Phil’s shoulder and concentrating on the small circles Phil was rubbing on the back of his hand. So far, Dan counted ten.

Thirty-four and the show was almost over. They still hadn’t gotten splashed other than the one time in the beginning. Dan was only slightly concerned by this. He should have been more concerned.

The lady who had been presenting the whole thing spoke again. “Okay, I know you all over here,” she swam until she was directly on front of them, “haven’t gotten very wet, have you?”

Dan’s head popped up. “Shit,” he mumbled because there were kids around and he wasn’t ignorant.

“Don’t worry,” the presenter spoke up. “We’ve saved the biggest splash for you guys!”

Dan thought this chick was too enthusiastic about splashing people. He turned to Phil who just gave him an apologetic smile. Dan’s mind was counting down the seconds until they were soaked.

Ten, nine, eight. All of the dolphins in the show were in front of them now. Seven, six, five, four. They were making waves in the pool, very large waves. Dan was bracing himself for the water, bring his arm up to shield himself. He bumped into Phil.

Three, two, one. The water went everywhere, but he was so close to Phil. And then it was like they were in a movie or something, because Phil was kissing him, water was raining over them and nothing else really mattered. The dolphins kept splashing and they kept kissing soaking wet until Dan jerked away.

“Shit.” His hair. He watched as Phil followed his hands to Dan’s hair. His eyes widened. “Damn it, I’m sorry. Oh, I’m so sorry, Dan. I didn’t know.”

It was okay. And it was, so Dan told him. Phil didn’t believe him. It took some convincing before Phil gave up. He still felt bad.

“Do you still want to go see the lower level exhibits?” Phil sounded sheepish, “I understand if you don’t”

He appeared so disappointed. “I still want to look,” Dan told him.

“Okay.”

Phil was silent the whole walk to the remaining areas they haven’t gone to. He was still holding Dan’s hand.

***

Never in Dan’s mind did he think he would be comparing jellyfish to galaxies. Here he was, holding Phil’s hand, not paying attention to his hobbit hair and staring at a tank full of jellyfish.

The water was so blue and the jellyfish were all different colors. Shades of pink and purples combed together. He was mesmerized. They resembled the most intricate colors of the galaxies, it was astoundingly beautiful.

They were calming. Phil was calming. Dan felt peaceful. He could just stare inside this one tank for hours. He felt so comfortable standing there with Phil. Sure, his hair was probably a mess and he most definitely smelled like fishwater, but there were jellyfish. That looked like the sky. Phil might actually have to drag him away from there to get him out of the aquarium.

***

Phil didn’t have to drag him out of the aquarium like a little kid. But it was easy to persuade Dan into leaving. They stood there until Phil’s feet hurt. Phil didn’t leave him though. It might seem silly, but he promised Dan he would always be there. So he was.

Dan fell asleep on Phil’s shoulder while on the tube ride home. Dan never did that. Phil realized they were in a good spot. They could test their boundaries when they were with each other. They were good for each other. And yes, sitting there with Dan on his shoulder Phil was able to think, he did love Dan. He didn’t question it. 


	12. Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I updated, after what? Like a year? So sorry I've been so absent. And sadly i think you guys may hate me for this chapter. It does get better though promise, there id still hope (!!). I know my tags say angst (idk this may count, but) I think it's more mild, so don't let that deter you from moving forward. Something similar in nature to what happened in this chapter happened recently on television and I'd like everyone to read the notes at the end of the chapter. Thank you all for your patience and commitment to this story, it will get finished eventually!

There's something odd about realizing you've fallen in love. It's a mixture of feelings that should not be allowed to be together. And yet they are. There's the joy, that absolute enlightenment that one could never possibly feel otherwise, because it centers around another person. There's the infatuation, which is almost as fun and exciting as the joy. Now someone else is what the world spins around, and for some reason, it's like that weight has been lifted off your shoulders, a weight you didn't know the world had placed upon you. There's the fear. That one is a less appealing feeling compared to the other. You're not sure what this love can (or can't) do, and that makes perfect sense. But you still fear it all together. And finally, there's the warmth, not a physical warmth, but it's as if there's a light growing inside you, a tiny personal sun radiating a comfortable heat. 

It's almost as if your body is the sky and falling in love is the sunset that blurs colors and light together, creating one of the most beautiful things of nature. That's about as close as Phil could get to describing how he felt with Dan. What they had was unique, and beautiful even, yet nothing had changed. 

That was one of the strangest things Phil had thought about that night- and he had done a lot of thinking. Sure, he was in love with Dan. But it didn't really seem different. He was still the same Phil, and Dan was still the same Dan. They were still Dan and Phil, and they loved each other. It was like their little 'experiment'- if they could even call it that anymore- had only unlocked a part of them that they'd never acknowledged was there. But they've never know otherwise, the Dan and Phil they were was the only Dan and Phil they'd known. Maybe this whole time they'd been aimlessly wasting days and nights thinking about each other, they'd misinterpreted the feelings. Maybe instead of trying to beat of the clock, or chase the skies, they were chasing after each other. Subconsciously. 

Phil barely slept that night. He had too much on his mind. He slipped out of Dan's grip and away from the bed, making his way to the kitchen. It was late, or early, he really didn't know. A glass of water still sat in the counter from earlier and he picked it up, dumped out the room-temperature liquid and poured himself some more. 

Dragging his socked feet across the floor and heading towards the lounge, Phil tried very hard not to wake Dan up. He felt a pull in his stomach as he sat down, the thought suddenly hitting that he would probably have to tell Dan. It felt too soon. Way too soon to be normal. And they'd gone over this- they weren't normal. And maybe Phil was right. Maybe these feelings had been there all along, hiding in plain sight, or the two of them were too stupid to notice it. The latter was more likely if they were being honest. Still, Phil knew it shouldn't be this easy. Nothing in life is ever this easy. He probably wouldn't tell Dan yet, it would be too much. 

Everything with them was all of a sudden, and it should be hitting them like a truck. That could explain the queasiness Phil felt at the moment. This could be Phil's 'hit by a truck' feeling. He may've never known what being theoretically hit by a truck feels like. How would he know? All he knows is that he does love Dan, and it makes sense to him, apparently it made sense to a lot of other people too. It made sense to them before even Dan and Phil knew it themselves. 

And Phil knew Dan loved him too. There was no question. But, Phil thought, Dan might not know it yet. And that's okay. Phil could wait. That's what he was planning on doing anyways. He's comfortable with where they're at now. 

He also knew Dan was afraid. He was afraid of what his audience might think- he was afraid of that way before there was anything between him and Phil. Phil knew that would also take time. He was afraid too. Probably not as much as Dan was, but he still got nervous thinking about telling the world he and Dan were in love. 

They'd kept that part of their lives private for so long- and for a reason. They'd seen first hand what personal information can do to a person in the internet, no matter what the contents of it were. They were smart enough to keep as much of their personal lives out of the spotlight as possible. But eventually people would find out. Whether they be told, or they discover it themselves, that's another issue entirely.

***

Dan didn’t know when Phil left the bed at night. He was too tired to check and fell back asleep. But Phil must’ve come back at some point because he woke up next to a warmth beside him. Without opening his eyes, Dan felt around the bed for the source of the heat, pulling him closer. He tucked his head into the curve of Phil’s neck, relishing in the comfort that somehow blossomed from being cuddled like that. 

“What time’s it?” Dan’s voice was sleepily low and muffled by Phil’s skin, his words slurring together in a sleepy drawl.

Phil let out a breath of air, something that was supposed to resemble a laugh, but stopped midway as if not to disturb Dan. “It’s quarter to ten.”

“That early?” Dan opened one eye, the one closest to Phil stayed closed. He watched as Phil’s lips curved up into a smile, but a slight one, that didn’t allow his eyes to crinkle at the sides. His smile looked almost nervous. “Yeah,” he said, very quietly and turning his face down to the corner opposite of Dan. Something was obviously wrong.

Dan sat up, turning his body to face Phil. “What’s wrong?” Phil was almost never anything but happy. Even off camera.

“I wish you had slept in longer, I really do.”

“Phil?” He wasn’t normally cryptic, if either of them was it would be Dan but they’re both pretty straightforward people. 

“We shouldn’t have gone out last night.” He was avoiding the topic, he wasn’t telling Dan something.

“Phil what the hell are you on about? What happened last night?” Phil wasn’t even looking at him anymore.

“I don’t know how we missed it, but there must’ve been a fan-,“ a deep intake of breath, “they saw us-” another breath, “a-and they got a pict- and posted it. People have seen it.”

All of the feeling in Dan’s body left him. His blood ran cold and his heart was beating so loudly he was sure the people in the apartments next to them could hear it. “They saw what exactly?” He hated how sharp his voice sounded, but he didn’t think he could help it.

“Th-the aquarium, our uh, excursion during the dolphin show.”

Dan’s heart dropped. They’d been so carful before, and he’d been so careless in the moment. What an idiot. Phil’s expression didn’t help either. He was going to get sick.

Almost as if on cue, he could feel yesterday’s meals threaten to come back up and made a way for the bathroom. He’d barely made it to the toilet before chunked of half-digested food were burning through his throat. Phil had come in not long after Dan ran out of the room and was now sitting beside Dan, a hand rubbing circles against his back.

Dan kept at it until all that would come up was acid. He didn’t realize he had been crying, let alone sobbing, until he was only retching and gasping for air. Hot, heavy tears rolled down his cheeks and fell into the soupy water below, enough force in them to ripple through the contents. He was no longer sure whether the heaving was form throwing up or from the crying, but he slowly calmed down, a steady hand still at his back.

He took a few deep breaths, trying to even them out, with hands mindlessly attached to the toilet seat before he dared to look at Phil. He had been silent the whole time, although Dan may have been deafened by his own vomit. 

Phil was not an easier sight, and Dan nearly began crying again just watching as silent tears trailed down Phil’s cheeks too. He tried to give Dan a watery smile, but that was the tipping point and Dan just pulled him down to the floor. They sat awkwardly cradling each other as they cried, sweaty hands not knowing what to do anymore and taking solace in hitting the tile floor beneath them. Phil’s hands remained entwined in Dan’s shirt.

They lay there for what seems like forever, before either of them can speak again. Dan’s voice is raw and scratchy and he can still taste the bile in his mouth when he finally speaks, “I’m scared.”

Phil’s voice was the quietest Dan had ever heard it when he whispered against Dan’s hair, “Me too. I’m scared too.” 

Dan’s voice shook, just as his breaths did. “What are we going to do?” 

“I don’t know, Bear. I don’t want to have to do anything.”

Phil hadn’t called him Bear in so long, the nickname took a second for Dan to register. While the name felt a tad bit foreign, the nostalgia of it all took some of the heavy weight in his chest away. He was already so tired again and it was still fairly early for them. “Can we sleep it off and come back to it after we’re rested?”

Phil nodded, and they must’ve been there for a long while because Dan’s bones felt too heavy in his body as he tried to pull himself up and over to the bed. It was all too easy to fall back asleep in Phil’s grasp, although he still felt each hiccup every time he inhaled.

***

Dan didn’t dare check his phone when he woke back up again. The heavy weight of Phil’s arm around him was gone and Dan ended up finding him in the lounge. He was just sitting there, barely paying attention to whatever was on the TV in front of him.

Dan sat down next to him and pulled the blanket over to cover him too. He put his head against Phil’s shoulders and sighed. “What the hell are we going to do about this?” 

“We could just say nothing.” They could just say nothing, and as much as Dan would like to do that, it was impractical. He was sure a lot of people, people close to them, had some questions. They hadn’t said anything- to anyone. 

“That’s a big leap for everyone to handle. I mean, we haven’t even told any of our families of this. How do you think the fans are handling this, when we keep so many secrets from them as it is?”

“Well then I guess the obvious place to start is with our parents. Oh God, they must be freaking out right now. Our fans, they can wait, maybe they’ll just think it’s an edit if we don’t say anything about it.”

“I don’t want to lie to them. We’ve done enough of that and look where it’s got us before.”

“But that’s the thing- we won’t be lying to them, we’d just be letting them make assumptions. Withholding information is different than lying.”

Dan wasn’t completely sold on that, but it also was the only option they currently had that resembled any kind of good. So they called their mothers. Of course, there wasn’t any resentment toward them, they’d all figured this would happen sometime anyway- and were frankly surprised it took this long. The only thing they had mention was that they had expected to be told before anything else had happened. And not without a few tears and tight throats did they both explain why that happened as so. Dan still felt uneasy with the idea of keeping quiet, and his mum suggested he make a video.

He didn’t want to just out and say it in a video, but he figured he could intertwine what was going on with a video that was not-so-subtle but subtle enough. He told Phil this, who agreed that was the better option and they planned to film tomorrow. It was okay for them to keep quiet until then, it wouldn’t be long. 

Phil had suggested they do a liveshow afterwards, and maybe hint more then. The thought made Dan’s gut twist, but not too much, so they decided to leave enough time for a liveshow after the video was uploaded. 

They’d skipped breakfast, and lunch already, but neither of them were feeling hungry, mostly tired still. It was only ten when they got back into bed, and while their breathing was easier than it had been before, it had become slightly harder to fall asleep this time. The bed felt too hot, too constricting and Dan was just so frustrated in his sleep that he got up and moved into the other room, fell onto the bed coverless and shut his eyes for the night.

Sometime later Phil came in, placed himself down on the empty spot on the bed, leaned over to kiss Dan’s temple and whispered, “We’re in this together, no matter what.” He probably thought Dan wasn’t awake because he then turned back over and remained quiet. But Dan heard him, and for the first time that day he exhaled with ease. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, because they’re in this together. No matter what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is never okay to out somebody, no matter what the situation, and ignorance is the beginning of horrible things. Know the consequences can be much worse than what happens in this story and it should NEVER happen. Lots of love, M.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow its been soooo long! i said i would never be the writer to not finish something- or to not update for over a year (oops). but i've really been having a tough year and i wasn't expecting it. (i know this might be a bit of tmi but) i recently lost my grandmother to cancer and the months leading up to her death have been very hectic and hard on me and my family. i hold this fic very close to my heard and i do read/pay attention to every single one of your comments/kudos. and i have been meaning to write this chapter for over half a year, its very very very overdue. i cannot promise a quick return, or a regular update (i promise you'll like what's coming better!!), i want this FINISHED just as much as you guys do! so without further ado....

If it was anything, it wasn't easy. They'd sat down at least five times to film this video before they were able to even turn on the camera. And Phil was getting increasingly more worried about Dan's mental state, as he'd thrown up about three times already. He took in a deep breath, let it out- this was going to take some time.

He looked left toward Dan sitting next to him. Initially Phil wasn't going to be in the video, but Dan felt it was more appropriate if he was in it, after all, Phil did tell him they were in it together. For the first time in his life, Phil was afraid of being in front of the camera. Neither of them have touched their phones since yesterday morning, both of them too afraid to see what people were saying.

Dan and Phil weren't typically the type of people to let other people's opinions have any impact on them, but this time it was about something more important than Dan's hair or Phil's age- this was them as a unit. This was their future.

Dan shifted his leg, moved his hand from Phil's lap to his own and began twiddling his thumb and his index finger. Phil then watched him look to the camera, to the floor, back up to the camera and then Phil. He started, "For my entire YouTube career, and the majority of Phil's we've been a part of each other's success. And while we have YouTube to thank for our friendship, we are friends before we are YouTubers. For years we have had the privilege of sharing our lives with you, but we've also always had a part of us to ourselves."

Phil had been looking off into the distance, at no thing in particular as Dan spoke, but with his pause he turned his head, then immediately regretted it. Dan looked so sad, sadder than Phil had ever seen him before, and it made Phil want to take back everything that had ever happened just to make it alright again, to not have to see Dan like this. When he couldn't manage it any longer he looked back to the nothing that was something behind the camera, his eyes watering against his will.

"As a person who has any kind of spotlight," Dan shook his head, and then in an even smaller voice said, "God, I hate calling it that. As a person of influence, you have to be able to keep some of yourself private, to keep yourself sane, and to not become a total show for the rest of the world. With that being said, I've spent most of my career walking on thin ice." Dan's voice cracked and Phil instinctively reached for his hand, but instead of holding it he just rested it on top of Dan's and then patted it. He kind of hoped Dan would keep that in, and then hoped he wouldn't, just to keep something from the video private.

"It wasn't always bad, don't say something here- tell half of it there. But at times it was really hard, so hard I questioned if I even wanted to be a part of this community anymore. But I always remembered the people who's lives I changed doing this, and how much joy I get from making videos- they were never the problem. Recently, I lost a bit of myself to the world, a part of me I've tried for so long to keep to myself, and a part I have only been comfortable sharing with a small group of people. I feel like I've been hiding for years, but it was my own choice to create this, sort of, _barrier_ , between myself and the 'viewing world'. And now I've just grown tired. Tired of being careful for watchful eyes everywhere I go, tired of editing things out of videos, tired of telling people not to say anything. I'm tired of being restricted to only being myself in my own home, and even sometimes not being able to be myself then."

Phil could sense Dan's head turning toward him, and he knew he wasn't going to like what he'd inevitably see when he turned to meet it, but he did it anyways. 

Dan's eyes were glassy and there were streaks of saltwater along his cheeks, where tears had been, surely mirroring Phil's own. This was not how this video was supposed to go, but Phil wasn't sure that wasn't how it _should_ be going. So he took Dan's face in both of his hands, careful enough to not send them both into a full breakdown before whispering in a scratchy, almost unintelligible voice, "You can do this. I am here. We are in this together."

"No matter what," Dan finished, and then continued toward the camera's general direction."

"For the longest time, I have had someone by my side, who understood what I was going through, and could keep me going when I was at my lowest. It took me a really long time to understand this in the beginning. But throughout everything, the good and the bad, one person has been there for me," Dan was smiling now, however he was still crying. And Phil kind of started smiling too. He was slightly nervous, and didn't know what was going through Dan's head at the moment, but he needed this just as much as Dan did, and decided to let him keep going.

"Love is a curious thing, that can keep you grounded on your worst days, and lift you higher on your best. It is not something that will always take you out of a slump, or bad situation, but will be there through it all, and not leave once you're 'better again'. Love prevails, and conquers the things people can't comprehend alone. Whether this comes from a friend, a parent, family, a stranger on a parkbench, a kid you barely know form school, or the love of your life, someone will be there for you- in the name of love. This is another thing that took me a fairly long time to realize, longer even than it took for other people around me to do so."

Another deep breath, a shaking hand atop of Phil's, and brown eyes so full of all the emotions that come with love that light was practically spewing from them, and Phil was speechless as Dan spoke to him, and only him, as if they were the only things left on this planet.

"Phil, I love you," he said, and he tears were flowing freely now, "and it may have taken me years to come to that conclusion, while others noticed it right away, but I love you. And not just as a friend- you will always be my best friend, but you'll never not be the best friend I happened to fall in love with. Thank you for being there, for being the kind of love that fits best when I need it. You never cease to amaze me, and I never want to feel anything other than love for you."

The natural thing to do from there was to kiss Dan, right? Because Phil really wanted to kiss Dan right now, and he was leaning in when his mind had cleared enough to catch up with him, and he managed "H-hey, I love you too, y'know? Ya big sap," before his lips touched Dan's and he kissed him like his life depended on it, because it did now. He didn't think he could live without Dan beside him.

 

The video was something they both needed. It was something that brought the worst parts of them out, even if it wasn't in the way most people thought, and put the best parts of them right next to each other for the thousandth time (or so) and had them finally recognize what life had been meaning for them all along.

They were meant for each other, and they had a love like no other. One that would continue forever, past the setting suns, and the bright moons, through the skies beyond, and into the stars among them. They'd have spent a lifetime chasing those skies had that exact moment not happened, and who knows, maybe one day this world they've painted will be shared with everyone.

These were the last words Dan had thought, before closing his eyes, ready for what the world would throw at them next, because he knew that so long as they were together, they'd be alright.

 

_-FIN-_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ya'll that was one hell of a ride. and i want to go back and rewrite some of my earlier chapters and make them fit with the rest of my developed writing style, so new and old readers stay tuned for that!! anyways, i hope you all enjoyed this as much as I did, and don't think this ending is rushed. this is by far the hardest i've worked on a story and I can't wait to write others for your entertainment. With all the love (almost as much as these two share) i bid you ado. 
> 
> Until next time,  
> twim


End file.
